Tuesday, February 26, 2013

I am reminded how many faces of love there are ...

A dear friend of mine died earlier this month. This was not a tragedy; he had been ill and his death really was a release.

During his life, I was often struck by what an odd relationship he & his wife had. They appeared to argue a lot, disagreeing about just about everything. She was fast, he was slow. He was a hoarder, she was a tosser. They both did love to travel, but they seemed to disagree about routes, what to pack, etc.

She was so distraught at the funeral that his favorite songs weren't played. He was a minister and he probably had a slew of favorite songs, but she was quite upset that one particular song didn't get played. When she and I talked afterward, she said that she was upset because he liked that song so much. No one else probably realized that, but it made a big difference to her.

I think she's feeling a great sense of relief that she no longer has the caregiver role. He wasn't going to get well, and there was nothing she could do to mitigate his misery, which was such a stress for her. I remember when my father was ill, how my mother relaxed so much when he died because she was no longer responsible for his quality of life.

When I see things like this, I am always reminded that there are many ways to show love -- some that aren't readily seen by others. So it reminds me to pause before I critique anyone's relationships, because who knows what is going on in their lives?

Food for thought, always....



Jannine Gallant said...

What a thoughtful post. I agree that arguing doesn't show lack of love. My husband and I argue a lot. But, it's because we both have strong opinions about everything. The key is respect and understanding that differences aren't a bad thing. They keep a relationship from getting stale.

Margo Hoornstra said...

A nice tribute to your friends. Love does take all forms, doesn't it?