The Roses of Prose: depression

Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

I've Got the Blues by Brenda Whiteside

Do you ever get the blues? I’ve got the blues. It’s been coming on for several weeks, and the signs have been there. Ignored. Fought. But I finally succumbed.

My mom used to talk about getting the blues. I read a letter from her mother written in 1927 or 1928,

and she had the blues. The blues isn’t a female thing. There’s a whole music genre dedicated to the state of mind. But it seems to me there are different kinds of blues.

On the left, grandmother I never knew

My mom’s blues, and apparently the grandmother I never knew, had more to do with boredom, being poor, and lack of time spent with a spouse. My mom’s woeful state of emotion felt totally female.

Oh she may get weary,

Women do get weary,

Wearing the same shabby dress.

When she gets weary,

Try a little tenderness.

My state of mind has much to do with the state of our country. There are personal things that have added to the depression, but none of them are particularly bad. There is uncertainty and a state of wait and see, but I know those will all work out for the best. The waiting can be stressful. But mostly, I think I’ve allowed things I have no control over to control me.

What to do?

Let it go...for now

First, I’m tuning out. This is not my normal way to handle anything. But if I don’t tune out the negative, the constant assault of a crazy world, I’m the one who will be crazy. So, I’m giving myself a free pass for three weeks to stop worrying about the state of the world. Stop worrying about humanity. I’ve told FDW he cannot keep me informed. I need to re-center, and if he is always cluing me in on the ugliness, I’ll go stark raving mad.

Second, I’m owning who I am and how I feel and how I believe. While I’m working to get back my mojo and my happy attitude, if someone does come at me or comment to me something I feel is wrong or ugly, I’m giving it back. No more Ms. Nice. I might be tuning out, but if my efforts fall short and you get in my face, be prepared to be put in your place.

And third, I’m diving into my current novel with renewed vigor. These characters are fun. The story is complicated. They need my full attention, and they will reciprocate. I feel good when we communicate. And right now, I need to feel good.

So, as I asked to start this, do you get the blues? I’d love to hear how you beat it. What do you do to get rid of the blues?

Brenda and her husband are gypsies at heart having lived in six states and two countries. Currently, they split their time between the Lake Roosevelt basin in Central Arizona and the pines in the north. Wherever Brenda opens her laptop, she spends most of her time writing stories of discovery and love entangled with suspense.

Visit Brenda at https://www.brendawhiteside.com

Or on FaceBook: https://www.facebook.com/BrendaWhitesideAuthor

Twitter: https://twitter.com/brendawhitesid2

She blogs on the 9^th and 24^th of every month: http://rosesofprose.blogspot.com

She blogs about life’s latest adventure and has fun guests on her personal blog: https://brendawhiteside.blogspot.com/

Amazon Author Page: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B003V15WF8

Goodreads Author Page: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3972045.Brenda_Whiteside

BookBub: https://www.bookbub.com/authors/brenda-whiteside

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brendawhitesideauthor/

Friday, February 16, 2018

#amwriting When You Quit Trying, You Lose by Diane Burton

Do you get notices of bargain books from BookBub? A couple of days ago, I saw a book titled

You Don’t Lose ‘Til You Quit Trying by Sammy Lee Davis with Caroline Lambert. It’s about the wartime experiences of a Vietnam Vet and Medal of Honor Recipient. That title caught my attention.

How many times have you wanted to quit writing (or any other major undertaking)? Doubts and insecurities abound with us writers. There’s even an online group called Insecure Writers Support Group where once a month we blog about what’s making us insecure and/or advice on how to overcome difficulties.

Yesterday, I pulled together my 1099s, royalties for 2017. I knew it hadn’t been a good year. I didn’t realize how bad. I used to get my 2017 total in one month! I didn’t even get a 1099 from one venue because I hadn’t earned $10. That got me questioning why I do it. Why am I hitting my head against that brick wall called earning income through writing?

Oh sure, I write because I enjoy writing. Usually. With the exception of the first two weeks of January, when I was going gangbusters, I’ve slogged along on my WIP. Some days, I haven’t written anything. Instead, I’ve binged-watched Netflix. Or taken naps when I should be writing. Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt. It’s my way of dealing with what’s probably winter depression. When the sun doesn’t shine for days on end; when it snows for ten days straight; when it’s too cold to go outside and when I do every joint hurts. Yeah, that can make anyone depressed.

Part of my problem with my WIP is in mid-January I changed horses. Oops, that should have read changed stories. I started the new year writing the fourth in my Alex O’Hara series. I knew exactly how it should begin. I knew the ending and most of the middle. Easy to write. When I was done writing one day, I thought about another project, one that was 80% finished. I reasoned that I should finish it first, so I would get something out sooner. I’m sure you all know that revising an older manuscript is harder than writing fresh. If not, I can vouch for it. Not only does the manuscript need updating (technology, especially), I’ve learned a lot in the intervening twelve years. Sentence structure, repetitive words and phrases, unnecessary backstory. Reading and fixing all that means a low daily word count, which I find also depressing. (Maybe I should count pages completed instead.)

Why not go back to the Alex O’Hara story, you may ask. I’m committed to this new/old romantic suspense. It’s a good story. It’s funny in places, seriously tense in others. A good romance develops. Besides, I’m sharing tidbits every weekend on Weekend Writing Warriors. On Mondays, I’m sharing character sketches. Dropping that story now isn’t a good idea.

Neither is quitting altogether, even though that’s going through my mind. Practical Hubs asks if it’s worth the time and energy to earn so little. He has a point. If I do quit, will that make me a loser, like in the Vet’s story title?

Can Spring come soon enough?

Diane Burton combines her love of mystery, adventure, science fiction, and romance into writing romantic fiction. She blogs here on the 16th and 30th of each month. Except this month. See you in March.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Begin Again by Barbara Edwrds

After the busy holidays and new year, I want to stop not start. Last year was a good year with Ancient Curse, Book 3 in The Rhodes End series coming out at The Wild Rose Press. I also had a Christmas novella, Late for the Wedding.

You’d think I would be excited and happy, but the big ‘but’ has lifted up. Personally, the year was less than stellar. I had health problems that keep me from enjoying the good parts. It’s not easy to ignore the facts: I just couldn’t do what I wanted to do. I need more sleep. I take more pills and I get grumpy. Yep. I could pose for that cat photo with my frown.

I had depression to overcome and to my surprise I found a way to deal with it.

Every Christmas I wish for my family to gather and to share happy times. It’s not possible any longer and this year it dragged me down.

After fighting back tears for weeks, i decided to share with my husband my sorrow. You’ve all heard me talk about his practical outlook on life but this time he had nothing to say. I cried and complained until it dawned on me I was not able to change anything.

I paused. So everyone couldn’t or wouldn’t be there. How silly to miss those who are already in Heaven and want them back. But I do.

It’s odd how a brief moment can cause the light to come on.

I’m an author. I can write my own story, create my new Christmas. I am writing my Christmas Fantasy, a beginning of sorts.

It’s not for publication although I may share it with my children.

In it my Father plays Christmas Carols on the accordian then puts it down to spin my laughing Mother into a fast Polka. After she hugs all the children to her soft breasts and they feel her love. I keep thinking of what I want at my Christmas party. All my daughters-in-law come over to bake cookies and we had a fun time. I’m going to add in my daughter and her children so they can share the joy. My sons actually gather to sing Carols like they did as children.

I can begin a sweet wish and change it to make it better.

I want all of you to begin again with a joyful wish.

I may never finish my fantasy, but I don’t care. This year I’ll finish another book or two. I’ve officially begun.

Excerpt, Ancient Curse

Changing took a few minutes. She pressed her hand to her throbbing forehead and studied her reflection in the mirror. Pain lined her forehead. She wondered why Thomas’ touch eased it. Her tangled hair had escaped her twist and needed combing. Humming, she took the time to neaten it.

Silence enveloped the second floor. With the power off, the soft music she played in her bedroom had been silenced. She half expected her footsteps to echo when she exited the room and walked down the hall.

Thomas had probably finished mopping up, and she needed to lock her computer and file her notes before the back-up battery failed.

Her pulse beat faster. She looked forward to spending some time with him. Hopefully, he was still in the library. She shook her head. She paused as the hair on her nape stirred like she was being watched.

A cool draft washed over her nape and she glanced back along the hall. All the doors had been closed. They still were. She frowned, and then shook the feeling off. No-one watched although her skin itched.

Pausing to enjoy the light emotions held by the smooth banister, she stroked the wood.

A violent shove between her shoulders tumbled her down the stairs like a thrown doll.

Ancient Curse: http://www.wildrosepublishing.com/maincatalog_v151/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=5911#.VF0EYvITPLg.gmail

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