Retreats by Betsy Ashton

No, not retreating, but retreats, as in getaways to refresh, recharge, and commune with nature or with friends.

Have you ever noticed that men go off on outings that are generally sports-related. Golf. Fishing. Hunting. Professional sports. Men seem to be comfortable doing something together without talking. They like to be in each other's company doing something.

Women that I know are different. They love retreats with other women where something special happens. That "something" is generally bundled under "bonding."

For example, my daughter is going away for a weekend with her mother, a couple of cousins, and an aunt or two. They meet halfway between where they live and stay at a hotel. Not the Ritz, just a hotel with clean beds and maybe room service. Last year, they planned to strip an outlet mall of everything. And I mean everything. Instead, they ever left the hotel. They ended up having a pajama party and talking and talking. They shared wine and memories. They had so much fun that they're doing it again in a couple of weeks. Mind you, the older generation is approaching 70 and the younger generation have all passed 40. But, they have a great relationship and can't wait to see each other.

I love writers' retreats, kind of like a gigantic writing-nerd weekend. Several writers get together in a house at the beach or in the mountains for the soul purpose of  producing part of a book or a series of poems or a short story or a play. During the day, we write. Those of us who prefer writing in silence can take our laptops outdoors or stay inside. Those who need stimulation take their laptops out to a local coffee shop, a Starbucks, or a diner. We meet again late in the afternoon over cocktails or wine and share how our day went. Sometimes we read our drafts. Sometimes we savor the words in private, hoping they sustain frequent edits. At the end, we are closer as women, closer as writers, and closer as people. We leave refreshed and recharged.

My cousin prefers silent retreats, She's gone on several in various countries and states. She finds the lack of chatter, the quiet of her own thoughts, and disconnecting from all electronic media restorative. I want to go on a silent retreat. I know some of you spluttered coffee all over your desk. Betsy? Silent? No flippin' way. Yes, flippin' way. I spent some time in a Buddhist convent in my youth and cherish the silence of being in the moment. I may live life out loud, but I also live it inside my head, in the quiet of the night, in the moment.

What retreats turn you on? Care to share ideas?

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Betsy Ashton is the author of Mad Max Unintended Consequences and Uncharted Territory, A Mad Max Mystery. She has a new short story, "Midnight in the Church of the Holy Grape," in 50 Shades of Cabernet. Her works have appeared in several anthologies and on NPR.

White Space and Silence

I am a writer. I am a reader. I am a wife. By extension, I am a multi-tasker. With all that is going on in my life, I long for white space and silence.

Open a book, preferably a novel. Look at how the words are laid out on the page. Do you see long sentences, blocks of text in dense paragraphs? Or do you see punchy dialogue, action instead of dialogue tags, single word sentences? Given my druthers, I'd druther have short and punchy instead of dense text no matter how skillful the writer. When punchy and dense combine, I'm happy as a pig in, well, you get the idea.

I once wrote a paragraph that went like this: "Cope."

Nothing more. Punchy. Pithy, Brief. In that one word I hoped to evoke a sense of finality, of surrender, in an argument. Before and after that paragraph were a series of short sentences. I gave the reader a place to breathe, to sit back and relax. After an intense scene, I as a writer needed to step back too.

White space on a page works for me the same way silence does. My favorite time of day is that half hour before dawn when the only things awake in the world are birds and me. I live where I'm generally far away from traffic, unless it's jet skis on the lake where my house is. But, that's the stuff for other posts. Maybe.

I need silence to meditate and write as I start my day. Silence encourages me to clear my mind of any leftovers from the day before. At times I lie still in bed, concentrate on my breathing and relax. When my feet hit the floor, I'm off and running.

I seek silence throughout the day. I need a screen when I write, because my pen doesn't move as fast as my fingers do on the keyboard. I don't need distractions. I don't always need to know what's going on in the world, much as I would love to keep CNN on. I'm an unrepentant news junkie.

I don't need to check in with Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn or Goodreads. (Now that I have a board on Pinterest, I guess I need to add that to my list of places I don't need to go every minute of every day.) Friends may whine when I'm off FB for several hours. They'll have to cope, because I can't be online with them and still hit my deadlines for my novels.

So, if I'm out of screen touch for a few hours, I'm writing or editing or meditating. I'm not ignoring you. I need time for me to get my work done. If you can't wait until I'm back online, I have only one word for you.

"Cope."

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Betsy Ashton is the author of Mad Max, Unintended Consequences, and Uncharted Territory, A Mad Max Mystery, which is now available in e-book at Amazon and Barnes and Noble.