Thursday, April 4, 2013

Expand Your Knowledge

I've recently decided to expand my knowledge base. Explore some possibilities.


Female Self Defense.

Yeah, that's right. I've been ampin' up my badass factor.

Now I should mention that I'm only 5'6" and about 115 pounds with the most chicken wingy arms you could ever find and a pair of mega giraffe legs, but let's put that aside, shall we? Let's focus instead on the experience of taking a female self defense class.

The first class started with the instructor singling me out (of course) and telling me to react as I normally would when someone tried to attack me. He then proceeded to come at me. What did I do?

Absolutely nothing. Didn't even flinch. Not a single eye blink.

Bewildered, the instructor backed up and said, "THAT'S how you'd react to someone attacking you?"

"It caught you off guard, right?" I replied, shrugging my boney shoulders.

"Well, yeah, but..." He shook his head and carried on with the class, a wary eye on me. He either thought I had the word "PREY" tattooed across my forehead and was destined to be taken down by some thug in a parking garage OR he considered me a brilliant opponent skilled in the arts of mental warfare. I'm going with the latter.

Shut up. I am.

Class Number Two, the instructor again used me as his volunteer (test dummy). "Help me out," he said, "because, you're apparently not afraid of me." Yup, that's me. A brick wall. Calm in all situations. Until he backed me up against a wall in a corner to illustrate how not to let someone get in your personal space. Okay, message received. Keep a protective bubble. Got it. Nothing weirder than having a guy you don't know put his arms on either side of you and trap front of like fifteen other women, all of which are watching intently to learn what to do in this particular situation.

Awkward? Uh, yeah.

Uncomfortable proximity aside, I've learned quite a bit, such as how to take down an attacker with fingers to that little hollow at that base of the throat. You just have to get past the fact that the hollow at the base of the throat is wicked squishy and feels kind of gross when you press your fingers into it. Never underestimate the power of a kick to the groin either. It's all very Trinity from The Matrix. I'll have to buy a long, black coat and some combat boots, which will no doubt keep assailants away on their own, no fancy moves needed.

There are two classes left, and the notion of taking a more in-depth martial class has wormed its way into my brain. Hey, when I was a kid, I watched The Karate Kid every day. No joke. Every day.

I suppose it's never too late to look at the possibilities and learn something new. I'll no doubt use most of this self defense knowledge on a future character.

So wax on, wax off, friends.

What's something new you want to learn?



Rachel E. Moniz said...

Well, you're making me want to learn self-defense! I can totally see the trench coat and combat boots.
My dream is not something to learn so much, but to get in shape enough to do a RunDisney 5K. I want a medal!

Margo Hoornstra said...

Having done the self defense classes long ago, it might be time for a refresher. Never too late, right? Thanks for the inspiration.

Jannine Gallant said...

I'm picturing you and a bunch of six-year-olds in a beginning Karate class, LOL Seriously, though, good for you for doing this. Sounds kind of fun in addition to the life saving skills you're learning.

glenys said...

OMG - you were a kid when Karate Kid came out? I feel so old...
And everyone knows little old ladies are dangerous, right?
Seriously though, I admire you for taking the classes. Let's hope it's knowledge you'll never need to use.
Except, perhaps, on imaginary characters in a book?

Christine DePetrillo said...

Hey, I've made it nearly 40 years without having to kick anyone's ass. I think the learned skills will be purely "decorative." Besides, while I do walk alone at night in my 'hood, I have my ginormous werewolf of a dog to protect me. He's not letting anyone into our circle. Trust me.

Barbara Edwards said...

If I can have the long black leather coat and boots, I'll take the class, too. I think its a good idea to at least learn these things.
I'm learning to watercolor to expand my horizons.