Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Un-Valentine’s Day

I hate Valentine’s Day. I know, I know. I write romance novels. How can I hate Valentine’s Day? I do. I’m sorry. See, I want the happy little moments you get in romance novels all through the year, not just on February 14th.

I’ve been married for nearly fourteen years, and I don’t expect my husband to jump through hoops, proving his love for me in the middle of February. Cut the guy a break, you know? The dude builds me furniture with his own two hands, eats whatever I put in front of him for dinner, makes sure my car is serviced and safe to drive, fixes whatever might be broken…the list goes on and on. He’s more than done his part. No amount of flowers or candy is going to improve my image of him. I already have a good, slightly saw-dusted image of him without him having to plan a romantic, candlelit dinner for two. Never liked eating by candlelight anyway. I need to see my food. 

Also, when did Valentine’s Day become just about the woman? If you don’t fast-forward through commercials on TV near this time of year, you’ll see that there are a million advertisements for jewelry, chick flicks, chocolates, and women’s clothing. How about some commercials for motorcycles, tools, gadgets and gizmos, sports equipment, old Clint Eastwood movies, and meat? (You know how much men love steaks. C’mon.) Don’t men deserve something for putting up with us women? Sure they do.

So here’s a list of ways to boycott Valentine’s Day should you be so inclined.
  1. Do not wear read, pink, or anything covered in hearts on February 14th.
  2. Do not leave catalogs for jewelry where you know your man will find them.
  3. Do not use sticky notes to mark the earrings you like in the catalogs mentioned in number 2 above.
  4. Do not buy new lingerie or the little heart candies with messages on them.
  5. Do not plan to watch a romantic comedy.
  6. Do not cook a dinner meant to activate your libido. Absolutely no seafood, blueberries, or cinnamon all of which are aphrodisiacs.
  7. Do not play smooth jazz with lots of saxophone.
  8. Do not write any “Roses are red, violets are blue” poems. (Good advice on any day really.)
  9. Do not light any candles.
  10. Do not get naked, drizzle yourself in chocolate sauce, and wait for your man to come home from work. You know chocolate sauce tastes better on ice cream. Your man knows it too. Just cut to the ice cream and make everyone happy.

I wish you a happy Un-Valentine’s Day. May love be with you all through the year, not just on February 14th.

ABRA CADAVER, The Wild Rose Press, available now


Abigail-Madison Chase said...

Happy UnValentine's Day! Great Post!

Alison Henderson said...

I'm pleased to admit I won't be doing any of the "Do not's" on your list today. My husband and I always try to find each other fun cards, but that's about it. We wouldn't have made it twenty-eight years if we didn't know how to express our love on days other than February 14th.

Barbara Edwards said...

Wonderful blog. Although I did plan a nice dinner tonight, it wasn't special for Valentine's Day
Just special for my dear husband.

Laura Breck said...

You're so funny, Christine. In our house, I do the Valentines planning. I'm baking hubby's favorite cookies in heart-shapes, of course, for tonight's dessert, and I have a special meal planned for when he gets home from work. I have a feeling he may bring me something special, but mostly it's a chance for us to talk about the wonderful things in our lives, and make plans for the next year. I love Valentine's Day!

Jannine Gallant said...

No woman should drizzle herself in chocolate after she hits middle age. If you're thinking you might look good in chocolate, then you haven't reached the midway mark! I did get my girls little boxes of Valentine chocolates. While I was at it, I threw one in for hubby. I'll make a nice dinner, but then I do that every night! So, I'm with you, Chris. V-day is no big deal.

Colleen Connally said...

Oh, I guess I'm bad. Love Valentine's Day. Used to love it at school when you got to decorate a box and everyone gave you a Valentine Day's card. I loved picking those cards out. And my father used to buy us a tiny teddy bear and candy...

Christine DePetrillo said...

Today my students and I decided Valentine's Day was a real holiday because we didn't have the day out from school. Seems like a good indicator to me! :)

Christine DePetrillo said...

Sorry, "wasn't" a real holiday, I meant to say.