Thursday, January 17, 2013

A Classic Look At Classics Romances!

A Classic Look At Classics Romances!

Sort of...

Over on my website, I wrote a post on Grand Romantic Gestures. It got me thinking about classics. Would they have been published today? This isn’t a new topic, but I wanted to take a moment and go into a publishing house and listen to what they might say about the classic romances today.

FirstI knowI know that some classics are a tad hard to read at times because they were written a couple of hundred years ago. Different style back then in a different time. I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt and say they wouldn’t be writing in that manner todayI hope.

SecondI’m going to try not to go down where books such as Tom Sawyer or Uncle Tom’s Cabin would have been published. They are not romances. (Being a history bluff, I’ll admit that I love both books.)

This post is about romances…

So just for fun. I want to sneak in and read a few imaginary rejection letters…

The book that got me thinking about romances today was Gone With the Wind.

Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell is one of my favorite books. So if Margaret Mitchell wrote Gone With the Wind today, would it get published?

SeriouslyI could just see the letter Ms Mitchell would receive from any romance editorWhile I see promise in your work, you do understand romances have to have a happy ending. Having the hero slam the door in the face of the heroine and swear at her doesn’t qualify. Could you edit the ending? And while you editinghaving Melanie die is quite sad, could you work on that as well? And…well I don’t want to say anything but the book seems to be quite racist, maybe Prissy could be Scarlet’s friend who just happens to want to wait on Scarlet hand and foot…   

Onto Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. Oh, I know what you’re thinking, you can’t touch Jane Eyre. Let’s just read on to the rejection letterMs Bronte, while impressed by the storyline you have created, I do so love that the governess got her man! But I do have a few issues that I believe will enhance your chances at success. It’s this plain Jane heroine. How on earth do expect the readers to connect with a woman who isI do so want to be kindbut let’s be honestshe’s not pretty. Our readers want a tall, slim woman kinda like Heidi Klum. Why don’t we rework the heroine just a tad…

I do realize that Lord of the Kings is no way a romance, I just couldn’t help adding it…
Return of the King by J RR Tolkien  

Dear Mr. Tolkien, I have to politely decline. While I understand you believe you have written an epic fantasy, it’s not what we would consider a romance. Even in your romances you have within the book  we have a few issues. First have you ever heard of the alpha malehe needs to be front and center at all timesnot too much gorebut having Eowyn kill the witch-kingahno. Can’t have that. Needs to be the alpha male. And while we are talking about alpha males, why on earth do you have that meek little Frodo destroy the ring? Come onhe’s too short!

FinallyRomeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare

Dear Mr. ShakespeareI almost didn’t write back to you. I cannot believe that you intend to publish this. Seriously!!! You need some major rewrites to your ending. I happen to have a couple of suggestionsdon’t have your hero and heroine die for starters! But if you insist on their deathsyou have to have them come back as vampires, werewolves or perhaps  zombiesthey are all the rage now….

Am I wrong? What do you think?

Romances is a different kind of genre for a reason. 

So next timeyou want to dive into what we do to sell our romances...

Disclaimer: These pictures are the pictures of the writer. These are her books. Much worn, but very much loved. Rest assured that none of these books were harmed in this post. These books were not sent to any real editor. They are and will always be classics!

If you want to read a few of this writer's books...romance of course...

Cross the Atlantic under her pen name-  Colleen Connally

Seductive Secrets, Book I Secrets Lives Series- Free ebook!
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Coming February, 2013— Broken Legacy

Loss yourself in the world of fantasy-   Carrie James Haynes

Whispers of a Legend Series

                   Shadows of the Past- FREE ebook!
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                   The Path Now Turned
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                   Vision of Destiny
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                    Time of Nuxvenom
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JenaGalifany said...

This is just awesome. I thoroughly enjoyed your take on rejection letters for the classics. I really love to see William take your advice at the end of Romeo and Juliet. That would be a hoot!

Colleen Connally said...

Thanks. Was in the mood for a little humor. Glad you enjoyed it!

Margo Hoornstra said...


I, too, loved your take on this. Very original and very entertaining.

Barbara Elsborg said...

What I'd like to see are the query letters these authors wrote to go with their manuscript!
Very funny post, Jerri!

Jannine Gallant said...

Glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks these authors would be snubbed today! Loved it, Jerri.

Colleen Connally said...

Barbara...great idea query letters! Thanks Margo and Jannine. Was hoping to put a smile on everyone's faces today!

Rosemary Gemmell said...

An amusing take on the classics - thanks for the smile, Jerri! Although Jane Eyre (my favourite book) could still be short to suit her tall Rochester!

Colleen Connally said...

How true! Jane Eyre is also one of my favorites as well.