Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Begin Again by Barbara Edwrds

After the busy holidays and new year, I want to stop not start. Last year was a good year with Ancient Curse, Book 3 in The Rhodes End series coming out at The Wild Rose Press. I also had a Christmas novella, Late for the Wedding.
You’d think I would be excited and happy, but the big ‘but’ has lifted up. Personally, the year was less than stellar. I had health problems that keep me from enjoying the good parts. It’s not easy to ignore the facts: I just couldn’t do what I wanted to do. I need more sleep. I take more pills and I get grumpy. Yep. I could pose for that cat photo with my frown.
I had depression to overcome and to my surprise I found a way to deal with it.
Every Christmas I wish for my family to gather and to share happy times. It’s not possible any longer and this year it dragged me down.
After fighting back tears for weeks, i decided to share with my husband my sorrow. You’ve all heard me talk about his practical outlook  on life but this time he had nothing to say. I cried and complained until it dawned on me I was not able to change anything.
I paused. So everyone couldn’t or wouldn’t be there. How silly to miss those who are already in Heaven and want them back. But I do. 
It’s odd how a brief moment can cause the light to come on.
I’m an author. I can write my own story, create my new Christmas. I am writing my Christmas Fantasy, a beginning of sorts.
It’s not for publication although I may share it with my children.
In it my Father plays Christmas Carols on the accordian then puts it down to spin my laughing Mother into a fast Polka. After she hugs all the children to her soft breasts and they feel her love. I keep thinking of what I want at my Christmas party. All my daughters-in-law come over to bake cookies and we had a fun time. I’m going to add in my daughter and her children so they can share  the joy. My sons actually gather to sing Carols like they did as children.
I can begin a sweet wish and change it to make it better.
I want all of you to begin again with a joyful wish. 
I may never finish my fantasy, but I don’t care. This year I’ll finish another book or two. I’ve officially begun.

Excerpt, Ancient Curse
 Changing took a few minutes. She pressed her hand to her throbbing forehead and  studied her reflection in the mirror. Pain lined her forehead. She wondered why Thomas’ touch eased it. Her tangled hair had escaped her twist and needed combing. Humming, she took the time to neaten it.  
Silence enveloped the second floor. With the power off, the soft music she played in her bedroom had been silenced. She half expected her footsteps to echo when she exited the room and walked down the hall.  
Thomas had probably finished mopping up, and she needed to lock her computer and file her notes  before the back-up battery failed. 
Her pulse beat faster. She looked forward to spending some time with him. Hopefully, he was still in the library. She shook her head. She paused as the hair on her nape stirred like she was being watched. 
A cool draft washed over her nape and she glanced back along the hall. All the doors had been closed. They still were. She frowned, and then shook the feeling off.  No-one watched although her skin itched. 
Pausing to enjoy the light emotions held by the smooth banister, she stroked the wood.
A violent shove between her shoulders tumbled her down the stairs like a thrown doll. 

Check  out
Late for the Wedding (Twelve Brides of Christmas Book 2) by Barbara Edwards

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Margo Hoornstra said...

That proves it, Barbara. Family members remain in our hearts no matter what. Another adage to live by 'begin again with a joyful wish'. Exactly what I plan to do!

Jannine Gallant said...

I'm glad you found a way to snap out of your depression. Writing probably beats therapy as a cure for the blues!

Alison Henderson said...

I'm so glad you were able to find a way to pull yourself up. With depression that's not always possible. Loss may be a part of life, but it's difficult to accept. Congratulations for using your creativity to heal your spirit.

Barbara Edwards said...

Hi Margo,
I'm planning on working until that wish is fulfilled.

Barbara Edwards said...

Hi Jannine,
The hardest part is remembering that it works.

Barbara Edwards said...

Hi Jannine,
The hardest part is remembering that it works.

Barbara Edwards said...

Thanks Alison, for your supportive words.

Diane Burton said...

Barbara, 5 or 6 years ago (after my mother died) I broke down over Mother's Day. My grown children weren't coming and I was so hurt. (They called and/or sent cards, etc.) After crying to Hubs, he made sure the kids came for a visit and I told them how I felt. How I'd been the "good daughter" and always visited my mom and mil for Mother's Day. They were stunned, esp. when I cried. I can't say they've always come for Mother's Day since. Son is a restaurant chef (busiest day of the year) but he makes a point to call and when he lived close he came over the day before. I've learned to share with daughter's mil, whose birthday frequently falls on Mother's Day. I had expectations that weren't always possible. Once I accepted that I felt better.

Alicia Dean said...

Sorry I'm late. I'm afraid I haven't gotten back into the swing of things since the holidays. Inspiring post. I'm so glad you found a way to deal with the sadness.

Leah St. James said...

I'm late, too! When my grandmother died (I was 10), my step-mother told me I was sad not because she had gone to Heaven, but that I couldn't go with her. It made so much sense, and it's stuck with me all these years. Hoping your special Christmas story will help lift your spirits for many years.