Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Recipe for a Happy Thanksgiving

This month is about recipes, so I decided to give you one that's not for food, but for fun instead.

Recipe for a Happy Thanksgiving


-Turkey in any form. Yes, even microwavable turkey bacon is acceptable for those of you with limited culinary skills. Just be sure to get the good bread for that sorry BLT.
-Sweet potatoes. Mashed, baked, fries. You decide.
-Cranberry sauce. Homemade, whole berries from a can, or that wiggly jelly stuff that you can slice into disks that will inevitably slide all over your plate.
-Stuffing. My mother-in-law makes the best. I can loan her out to you for a price.
-Squash. The more veggies the better!
-Turnips. See above "more veggies" comment. Plus, how often do you eat turnips? Don't neglect them.
-Green beans. Get your brother to bring these. It's what he can handle. You know it's true.
-Wine. Depending on how well your family members get along, you can adjust the quantities as needed.
-Beer. You need something for the folks playing football in the backyard.
-Desserts. People often ask me if it should be cake, pie, cookies, or candy. To this, I reply with a boisterous, "YES."
-Hot cider, tea, coffee, hot chocolate. Put these items out as a signal to your guests that they should expect to be kicked out soon.

1. Gather suggested ingredients in a location where you can fit all this food and people have room to sit back and make groaning noises after eating too much.
2. Gather friends and family members to consume ingredients.
3. Get people hungry with a loosely organized game of football. Keep an eye on Uncle Harry who sweats like a pig even when he's not moving.
4. Guzzle beer after game. Guzzle two if you were on the losing team.
5. Arm people with plates and forks and start passing around the grub. Ooo and ahh over all the food and how good everything is.
6. Sit back in chair and pat stomach like you're full even though you fully intend to continue eating.
7. Repeat step 5-6 at least three more times.
8. Pass out on the couch while Planes, Trains, and Automobiles plays on the TV.
9. Wake up with a craving for something sweet. Forget about diet and dive head first into the dessert table. Don't come up for air until you're good and sugared.
10. Pass out on the couch again.
11. Play a game with the kids. Hide and seek works well. No one says you actually have to "seek." Depending on how smart your kids are, this could be a very quiet time in the day.
12. Swear you'll wear sweatpants next Thanksgiving.

If you celebrate Thanksgiving, I wish you a fun and safe one. If you survive the day, spend the night with a good book. Find one here.

Gobbles and pumpkin pies,


Margo Hoornstra said...


Truly enjoyed your 'recipe'. What a great post. My oldest daughter and I were recently trying to figure out exactly where to hold Thanksgiving this year. My response "Anywhere, as long as we're together."

Christine DePetrillo said...

Or in the case of my family, when you can't decide where or even when to have Thanksgiving, you have it THREE times in THREE locations. I kid you not! That's a lot of turkey!

Jannine Gallant said...

The only step you forgot is the one I'd like to eliminate completely - dishes! This was so funny, Chris. Thanks for making me smile.