Saturday, July 22, 2017

Message for my son on his wedding day ~ Leah St. James

As this message posts on our blog, my son’s wedding is mere hours away. I tried to think of something else to write about, but my brain is too crowded with the seemingly endless details that even the MoG (mother of the groom) must attend to. More than that, my heart is too full of emotions I’m afraid to let loose. (You might recall how I sobbed just THINKING about the mother/son dance.)

Like many writers, I deal with emotions by setting them to words. So I write this a few days in advance, lying in bed while my husband snores softly beside me, and I think about our wedding day several decades ago. I remember that first joyous kiss as husband and wife, then turning to face our guests and thinking, “It’s us against the world.”




We’ve had our ups and downs and made mistakes (who hasn’t?), but those hills and valleys, joys and sorrows, have made us who we are today--far from perfect, but happy together. 


I hope we’ve set a more positive than negative example for our son as he starts out in his own marriage. Still, if he were here right now (instead of off at his bachelor party!), I’d want to share some thoughts and "learnings" with him.

I’d tell him that marriage isn’t easy, even under the best conditions. I’d tell him that it takes work, it takes trust...and lots of love to pull it off. It takes  biting your tongue and compromise and saying “I love you” when you really want to tell your spouse to go .. well, let’s not go there.

I’d tell him that as of this day, he and his bride are a team, unbreakable by their shared vows of love and honor. 



That means having her back, in public and in private. It means protecting her, being loyal to her. It means cherishing her as if she is the one woman, among the millions in the world, uniquely meant for him.

I’d tell him he needs to be strong for her, but to let her see his vulnerabilities. And to let her be strong for him, too.

I’d let him know that when they argue, as I’m sure they will, he needs to consider her point of view, really consider it, because she is half of their team. And when those hard times fall, because they most likely will, to draw closer together and work on figuring things out, together.

I’d admonish him to work hard for his new family, but to play hard as well. His bride is a young woman, full of enthusiasm for life and the world. Go out together, see that world. Plan day trips. Save for and take vacations. Try new foods and recreate them in your kitchen. Go to local museums, plays and concerts. Go bowling or play golf. 


Enjoy each other. Enjoy life.

Happy wedding day to my son and his bride. May this be the first of many days and years of joy,  together. 


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Leah writes stories of mystery and romance, good and evil, and the very real power of love. Learn more about Leah’s writing on her website. Or visit her on Facebook where she posts about life in general. She loves meeting readers!

17 comments:

Diane Burton said...

Leah, that was beautiful. I hope your son (and new daughter) read this. Such wonderful advice. We go into marriages thinking all will be as it was during engagement. And it isn't. That's life. I loved the part you wrote about him having her back. Always. And her having his. That's not easy with well-meaning (or not) relatives and old friends. When friends were bashing their husbands, I kept my mouth shut. Not because mine was perfect, but because nobody needed to hear our troubles. I would add to your list, have a date night. Often, especially when kids come along. Make a point of having time together, alone. You need to remember to keep the romance in your life. Best wishes to your son and his wife.

Rolynn Anderson said...

Well said, Leah. I'm convinced every couple, on their wedding day, wants their marriage to last a lifetime. It helps if they've 'watched' a good marriage (of parents or relatives) as a model, but wouldn't it be great if couples learned some tools early on to help them grow as a couple and get them through the tough spots? I don't think we're good enough at planning ahead...learning how to nurture a fulfilling relationship.

Margo Hoornstra said...

You mirrored my advice for my own soon to be married son. The last of four. Us against the world says ti best, because that is how things usually turn out. Have a great time today. Try to remember that nothing is ever truly perfect, which is exactly what makes those life experiences special. Enjoy!

Jannine Gallant said...

Some loving and honest advice! There will always be conflict to work through and hard decisions to make. Knowing that going in will make marriage easier. Have a wonderful time at the wedding. Can't wait to see the dress pictures after your earlier teasing! LOL

Leah St. James said...

Thank you, Diane. Good addition! You're right, it's so important to have alone time.

Vonnie Davis said...

What lovely sentiments. You made me cry. sniffle. I loved the part about having each other's back and always remembering to say I love you. I'm sure you're having a glorious day. Enjoy every moment.

Leah St. James said...

My mother-in-law told us to never go to bed angry. We tried to stick by it, and I think it helped.

Leah St. James said...

I will, Margo, thanks! I like that bit of advice, too. My husband told our future daughter-in-law something very similar to that yesterday. :-)

Leah St. James said...

Thank you, Jannine! I'll definitely post pictures.

Leah St. James said...

I cried at the rehearsal yesterday, Vonnie. :-) Happy tears! We're getting ready for the church now. I'll be sure to update everyone when I can

Andrea Downing said...

Leah, what beautiful words and meaningful sentiments. I hope your son and his wife heed your words and have many happy years together.

Brenda Whiteside said...

What lovely words and joyous time for you all. I'm sure your son has learned from your example.

Leah St. James said...

Thanks, Andi and Brenda. :-) It was interesting because the pastor's message was similar. It was a lovely wedding. I got very few pictures, but my friends did....thankfully! I'll be sharing more about the day later.

Liz Flaherty said...

This is wonderful. Much happiness to them.

Alicia Dean said...

Beautifully written, Leah. I'm sure it was a gorgeous, emotional event. How happy and proud you must be! (BTW, I SWEAR, I already commented on this and Margo's posts, but my comments are not there...so, not sure what happened). Congrats to the happy couple!

Alison Henderson said...

I'm just back from vacation and taking time to catch up. Such a beautiful post, Leah--and so true! Despite a number of extreme highs and lows, OG and I are definitely a team, and that's what's brought us through 34 years. I wish your son and his new bride all the best.

Leah St. James said...

Thanks so much, Liz, Ally and Alison. It was a wonderful event, and I think the "kids" are off to a great start. Nothing like a wedding to make you think of all this romance stuff. :-)