Sunday, March 4, 2012

What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day

A fellow Rose of Prose told me about this odd observance for March 4th - What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day. Well, I can tell you this, I’ve got two cats and a dog, and if they had opposable thumbs, they’d be doing some chores around the house to help me out.

Here are my darlings:
All three of them do an enormous amount of sleeping while I’m running around like a nut taking care of…well…everything! They’re lazing in the sunshine, chilling out on their beds, basically living the life I want to live, darn it. They never have to get up, get dressed, go to work. They have a roof over their heads, food in their tummies, all the petting and playing an animal could ask for, and they don’t have to do a thing for all this.

Slackers. Leeches. Infidels!

Ahem, sorry. Got carried away there. Where was I?

Ah, yes, opposable thumbs. If my animals had these, the cats would be charged with dusting. Their ability to reach high places would make them uniquely qualified to get at those pesky dust bunnies. I think they could also manage some small gardening jobs, weeding in particular. I hate weeding. It’s a futile job perfect for felines.

The dog could handle more strenuous tasks. He’s a big boy at over 65 pounds at just six months old. He’d be good with the vacuum, and it would serve him right for getting stuck with that chore since he’s the one dropping hair all over the house and dragging in dirt and grass from outside. He’d be good at shoveling snow too and mowing the lawn.

I could load my furry residents with duties, I suppose, but does having opposable thumbs guarantee that they would do the jobs correctly? I have high standards for cleaning and landscaping. I don’t know that they could make the grade. They’re good kids and all, but I’ve seen the way they live. They’re slobs.

I love them, but they’re slobs.

As I think more about this, I’m afraid that I will have to keep doing the chores myself. I’m just too Type A to let the responsibilities fall into their paws. I’ll stick to tossing balls and Frisbees, taking long walks, chasing string, and snuggling with my feline and canine kids. That’s why I have them anyway.

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Jannine Gallant said...

This is great, Chris! But I'm pretty sure if my dog had opposable thumbs, she'd be about as much help as my daughters. They do have opposable thumbs, but slacker and slob still apply. Alaska and dogs sound like a winning combo to me. I have a back burner WIP set in Alaska that I hope to return to soon.

Alison H. said...

Chris, there is the funniest video on You Tube about cats having opposable thumbs. It's an ad from a British dairy company that suggests we'd all be in big trouble - the cats would form gangs (snapping their fingers a' la West Side Story) and break into houses (because they could open the doors) to get milk. Look for it if you get a chance.

Brenda Whiteside said...

Fun blog, Chris!

Vonnie Davis said...

My cat, the treat thief, does not have thumbs. He ate them.

Great post. I enjoyed it.

Jerri Hines said...

What a fun post. Love your animals. Even if they're slobs, they are adorable!