Monday, May 14, 2018

#Fashion Complaints by Christine DePetrillo

If you've visited the Roses of Prose blog before, you've no doubt heard me tell of my fashion incompentence. I have no style. I have no desire to put outfits together. I wear black and... some more black. I'm beginning to see, however, that perhaps the blame is not to be placed solely upon me.

The clothes available "out there" stink.

I recently visited a local shopping plaza with the mission of buying some new spring clothes in mind. I was in a good mood. I was determined. I was open minded.

And yet, it was still an EPIC FAIL. Mission incomplete. Headed home empty-handed.

I roamed the women's clothing section of one popular store, picking up anything that caught my eye and even some things I wouldn't have normally chosen. I was trying to be different. I was trying to not be so black and gray. I was trying to experience some level of fashion success.

How can one experience success though when the way clothes are made nowadays (oh, good heavens, I sound like an old lady here)... the way clothes are made nowadays is... well... pretty crappy.

First of all, this at-the-ankle trend for pants? Umm, how about a big ol' NO! Maybe it's supposed to be cute, but on me it just looks like my damn pants shrunk. I'm okay with capri pants and pants that meet my shoes, but that at-the-ankle fad look is downright awful. Someone once told me I had giraffe legs--and they weren't wrong--but picture a giraffe wearing at-the-ankle pants and that's what I look like.

I ain't wearing those pants!
Secondly, dresses with belts. Why? A belt's function is to hold something up at the waist. A dress is once piece. What is that belt holding? Nothing! It's holding nothing. It's purely an accessory. An accessory with no purpose. I hate things with no purpose. I also loathe those thin threads on the left and right of the waist to hold the belt in place on the dress. Those loops just further highlight the unnecessity of the belt! AND... AND... there's never enough holes on the belt to get it where it needs to be on my waist. Then there's that remaining part that just flaps around because it falls in a weird place and can't be secured by the aforementioned thread loops. Ugh.

What in the world is this belt accomplishing? 
Thirdly, ripped jeans. I'm sorry, but I work too hard for my money to spend it on ripped stuff. Besides, I rip stuff on my own just fine. I don't need the factory to do that for me. When I do it myself, each rip has a tale of its own and that's cool. Brand new jeans with rips are not cool. I get that it's sort of girl-next-doorish, but does it have to be girl-next-doorish-who-just-wrestled-a-grizzly-bear-and-her-pants-took-the-worst-of-it?

Does her knee get cold?
Lastly, high heeled sandals. To me, warm weather means bare feet in grass, sand, soil, water, whatever. A thin, cushioned layer when walking long distances over hot pavement is sensible, but some of the sandals I see with all these strappy parts and high heels and rhinstones and, to my great horror, that little part that separates the big toe from the other toes... shudder. I can't even think about it. My feet boycott such notions.

They don't show her face because she's grimacing in pain with every step.
So these are just some of my fashion complaints. I have more... such has sleeveless shirts with a high collar. If I don't want sleeves so I can keep cool, I definitely don't want anything closed up tight around my neck. That's going to suffocate me!

I did try on all of the above and promptly tore each one off in the fitting room. When I walked out and hung it all on that little rack they have, an employee asked me how I made out.

Lady, don't get me started...

What fashion trends burn you up? C'mon. You don't like everything out there either. Be honest.



Diane Burton said...

Christine, I hear you. I'm not sure fashion designers are real people. Must be robots who come up with such weird clothes. How about horizontal stripes on plus-size dresses? Come on! Don't get me started on plus size clothes. I swear the most attractive clothes are designed for the 0-2 size women, clothes that would look lovely on those of us who need the most help. Then there's shoes. What man dreamed up 3-5" high heels? Would a man walk in those? I don't think so. Yet, I look at the women anchors on the morning show whose toes are squished into those shoes and wonder if there's a permanent dent in their feet and if they have any feeling after wearing those shoes for 2 minutes or more. So glad my job (writing) doesn't entail dressing up. Give me jeans (holey or not) and bare feet.

Jannine Gallant said...

So, after two trips to the mall over the last few months, I acquired 1 pair of pants (black) and one pair of capris pants (also black) for the upcoming RT convention. It occurred to me some time ago that I literally had nothing suitable to wear since I wear T-shirts (not fancy ones) all summer, and sweaters in May in Reno might not work if I didn't want to die of heatstroke. I also found one lacy T-shirt (black) and one elbow length dressy shirt (black with flowers) and miracle of miracles one other shirt (BLUE!!) I'm sure you were noticing a trend in my wardrobe choices. I still have no shirt to wear on the final day for the giant book fair. I intend to hit the mall one more time between workshops in the hopes of finding something so I don't have to sign books half-naked. I feel your pain, Chris. BTW, my 19 year old buys ripped jeans and shorts all the time. They look good on her. I bet they'd look good on you, too. People would probably think your're 19...

Rolynn Anderson said...

Chris and Jannine, my sympathies. My clothing rules: When you find something you like, buy a half dozen of them in different colors. That's how rare it is to come upon clothing that fits, has the right 'feel,' and looks good on you. These new synthetics that hug the body....NO! My body must not be defined...those days are gone. Have you noticed that where the bottom of a blouse/shirt hits your hips has to be perfect? I mean to the millimeter...or it's a bad look. So back to my rule...when you find a perfect top/ lots of them and throw out all the other stuff in your closet that you bought in a panic.

Margo Hoornstra said...

Funny topic! Jannine and I are having a clothing discussion as I just brought out my summer clothes from storage. And still have nothing decent to wear. In my mind, anyway. I, too, have a body that need not be overly revealed. And what is up with the skinny this and skinny that style? On Jannine's daughter, maybe. On me and most women I know - absolutely not!!! Give me bell bottoms any day. And long flowing tops to go over them! Preferably embroidered in some way. Maybe tie dyed. And what's up with the larger size clothing with patterns that would look better on a piece of furniture than it does on me? Don't even talk to me about shoes. Haven't worn heels OR panty hose in years and that's fine with me. Oh if only flip flops worked with business attire. I'd be in fashion heaven.

Vonnie Davis said...

I have two stores I shop at online. I know their quality and sizing. I haven't tried on a thing in a store in years. I love colors, except for brown. As I age, I am wearing more black, but given the choice between black and pink, pink wins every time...unless it's pants. Pink pants and my behind? I'd look like an explosion in a Pepto Bismol plant.

Andrea Downing said...

So glad to know I'm not alone. Someone once said they would need a flashlight to find anything in my closet, it's so black in there. I have one favorite brand and they do basic pieces which all go together one way or another. ON my recent vacation I took 2 pr black pants and several different tops. This summer I'll be spending in 2 floaty dresses that are more or less beach cover-ups. It seems if you're not under 40 yrs old, there is nothing. NOTHING

Leah St. James said...

Too funny! I definitely sympathize with much of this, although I love wearing color. Most of what I wear to work, though, are tailored/conservative neutrals--black, brown, beige. Sometimes I expand out to a jewel-toned top. :-) I completely agree on the ankle-length pants. BTW, are these for men, too? I saw two men wearing them at work last week and almost laughed. Back in the day, we called them high-water pants. (Anyone remember this? "The floods are over, the streets are dry. So why do you wear your pants so high?") ;-) You have to have a certain shape to wear them and, more importantly, THE RIGHT SHOES. You can't wear them with the clod-hoppers I usually wear to work. And speaking of shoes, the sandals with the separate ring for the big toe? UGH. Same with the ripped jeans. Why??? I toss those into the rag bag! My biggest fashion annoyance is the skinny fad though. It looks just plain uncomfortable. Fun conversation, Chris!

Christine DePetrillo said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one with fashion woes. I'm just trying to make it to June 15th, the last day of school, so I can slip into my tank top and shorts summer uniform.

Brenda Whiteside said...

Christine you crack me up. I have many of the same complaints. I'm a denim and t shirt lady so it's really hard to pick out something different with what's available. And even finding jeans is a problem...skinny leg jeans? Don't you need skinny legs for those? I too hate the ankle pants but I have to tell you, I think they're made for giraffe legs, not elephant legs like mine!