TELLY, T.V. and TiVo by Andrea Downing

     

With apologies for the length of this post...
If I watch television, it’s because I’ve recorded a program which I can watch in half-hour slots over lunch and dinner. Most of my watching consists of films rented from Netflix, documentaries, historical dramas and the odd human interest program(me) such as ‘Who Do You Think You Are?’ which traces the ancestry of various celebrities, or ‘Long Lost Family’ which reunites adoptees with their parents. When I moved back to New York from London after forty years, and telly became t.v., I did try to watch a few American program(mes)—Monk and The Closer come to mind, but they were still recorded.

Therefore, in the interests of Investigative Journalism (i.e., this blog), I decided to subject myself to arbitrary television viewing over several days.  In fact, my first inclination was to try to watch for 12 hours of prime time viewing, but I’m afraid I soon ditched that idea in the interests of my own sanity.  I set myself certain parameters for this experiment:  I would not watch any of the program(me)s previously watched as cited above; there would be no films and no news or current affairs to which I would have normally gravitated; furthermore, there would be no British imports so Masterpiece Theatre was out--- no masterpieces for me!  Finally, there would be nothing with the words ‘Real Housewives of…’ in the title (nothing real about these women since they are 90% plastic and 10% hair extensions), simply in the interests of saving me from regurgitation.  So, here is my viewing diary: 

“1,000 Ways to Die’:  this might possibly be the funniest programme on television.  It is preceded by the warning, “Do not attempt to try any of the actions depicted…”  This programme is exactly what it purports to be:  a compendium of weird and wonderful ways people have died in these United  States.  First up is a guy on the lam in Montana who’s been robbing banks in an attempt to get the money together to open a meths lab.  Wanting a high and out of booze, he siphons off the gasoline from his Harley believing the ethanol will give him his alcoholic high.  Subsequently he pukes into his camp fire and---guess what? 

Next on this programme was a Japanese couple who, after 7 years of wedded non-bliss have still been unable to consummate their marriage.  The husband comes home plastered one evening and gets his wife to join him in his drunken stupor leading to…  At that climactic moment, they both die of heart attacks.

And then there is the woman who wants to lose weight.  Guess what she does?  She buys a whole load of tape worm larvae from Venezuela… which might not be such a good strategy.  The longest worm they eventually found in her body was 20 ft……..

Joy Behar:  the comedienne, whom I know from catching “The View” in the mornings at the gym, interviewed one Jenny McCarthy.  I’ve never heard of this person previously but she is describing to Behar, in graphic detail, a most intimate relationship she had with a stuffed bear called ‘Tubby.’

Swamp People: This is on the History Channel. Apparently there is not enough history to occupy the channel full-time so we have this series about people with accents so thick we need the provided subtitles to understand anything they are saying.  It would also help if someone explained why they do the job they do---which is hunting snakes and alligators so that the rest of us can look at lovely shoes, belts and fabulous handbags we cannot possibly afford.  Unfortunately, one guy still doesn’t know the difference between venomous and non-venomous snakes which is something of a liability in his line of work.  I leave them frying frog fritters…

American Pickers:  This is about a firm called ‘Antique Archaeology’ who go around the country looking in barns, sheds, run down houses, fields and other unlikely venues where junk that could possibly be sold as antiques might be found.  This week they find a pinball machine with cowgirls on it and we are told that in 1942 Mayor LaGuardia banned and destroyed pinballs as games of luck---or gambling.  History on the History Channel at last!  The men also find the ‘Alien’ dummies used in a film about Roswell.  It’s pointed out that a UFO sighting is reported somewhere on the planet every 3 minutes!  As they load the dummies into their van, one man asks the other, “Do you believe in Aliens?”  His reply?  “I gotta believe there’s gotta be something smarter than us…”

 Flipping Out is about a gay guy with OCD who does remodeling and home re-designs on a very grand scale. In this episode, his biggest problem was dealing with a 90 year old woman who wanted door handles designed as nude figures throughout the house, and he had to explain that this might not be in the very best taste.

 Jeopardy:  this long-running game show basically entails contestants being given the answer to questions and they have to come up with the question; therefore, their replies must always start with who, what, where, or when.  So, the M.C. says, ‘the mortar between tiles’ and the contestant replies “What is grout?”  Or, “A condition in polar regions where snow makes visibility poor.”  Answer:  “What is a ‘white out’?”  But really, if someone asked you, “What is jumping?” would you truly reply, “Miriam Rothschild discovered that a substance in the hind legs of fleas gave them this amazing ability????”  Or if someone demanded, “What is Murder on the Orient Express?” would your answer really be, “Hercule makes a bust on a choo-choo out of Istanbul?”

By the way, the major-grossing question for the night was “In 1955 she became the first and only female star to win a Tony in a male part.”  Out of the 4 contestants and me, I was the only one who knew the answer. 

And last but certainly not least:

Better Off Dead:  When I hit the ‘Info’ button on my remote control, it says, “Follow Mark Lilly, Social Worker at the Dept. of Integration, as he helps new citizens…adapt to hectic life in the Big Apple.”  BETTER OFF DEAD????  Are they trying to tell me something?

Last Friday, RCN, my cable provider, decided in its wisdom to bestow TiVo on me at a cheaper rate than my previous deal with them. It has a happy little smiling TiVo man on the remote and can grab emails and photos off my computer.

     Something to watch at last.

And please watch out for the sequel to Come Love a Cowboy, coming out in June.  In the meantime, you can purchase Book 1 at https://www.amazon.com/Come-Love-Cowboy-Kathleen-Ball-ebook/dp/B01D5876UK/

    And learn more about me at :  http://andreadowning.com

FIVE THINGS I KNOW ABOUT BEING A MOTHER by Andrea Downing

Cristal and I cooking together

It’s Mother’s Day and time to take stock of why I’m being treated to dinner with the rest of my colleagues.  I’ve given this much consideration; after all, I’ve had thirty-two years (my daughter’s age, not mine) to mull this over.  Of course, one would think that thirty-two years of experience would teach you a lesson. Not quite so…or at least, if we don’t generalize, not always true!  Here are five things I’ve learned about being a mother:

1) My daughter is the most beautiful, intelligent, wonderful, kind, considerate blah bla bla person in the world. You may think the same about your child, and know that the occasional snarky words, hissy fits, and tears are not his/her true self. This assessment cannot be denied or downgraded, and will be believed and taken with you to the grave.

2) My daughter knows far more than I could ever hope to know, even though I have a good thirty-five year head start on her:  my experience counts for nought.  Don’t think about asking stupid questions; you will only be talked down and have to find another, quiet, moment to ask the same question in a reasonable way.  Please take note, and mark it well:  You will never, ever, EVER be as smart as your children.

Cristal and her fiance, Daniel Saffon

3) Her boyfriend or his girlfriend is the second most wonderful person in the world, no matter what you think.  Luckily, my daughter Cristal is now engaged, and, yes, her fiancé is the second most wonderful person in the world—after all, he can put up with her.  OOooops, did I say that? Well, he must be Superman because he’s marrying Wonder Woman.  I do recall, however, a beau she dated for four years at university whom I absolutely could not stand. This was a major problem except that, happily, she was at university in the USA, and I lived in London at the time. When I received the call one afternoon that she had broken up with said boyfriend (for the very same reasons I disliked him), I practically pirouetted down the street in joy…

4) Every gift she/he gives you is in the best taste and exactly what you wanted. Do not even begin to think about this; don’t ask any questions, just wear or display whatever it is he/she’s given you and enjoy it, show it off, and be proud.  And that includes the item you wouldn’t be caught dead in.

5) Finally, when he/she presents you with your first grandchild and you foresee years ahead of babysitting, nose-wiping and diaper changing, listen carefully to the instructions she now gives you about holding that precious bundle.  After all, what the hell do you know about holding a baby?  Admittedly, I still have to look forward to this moment, yet I see it clear as day—the information, the instructions, the sigh of disapproval. 

Just as if I hadn’t raised the mother myself.

To read a bit more about the troubles children have with their parents, head to Bad Boy, Big Heart in the Come Love a Cowboy anthology, available at:  myBook.to/Come-Love-A-Cowboy 

AND  https://www.amazon.com/Come-Love-Cowboy-Kathleen-Ball-ebook/dp/B01D5876UK/

When New Yorker K.C. Daniels heads to Wyoming for a summer job, she wants nothing more than to fit in with the staff of the Lazy S Ranch. Yearning to be independent of her mom and dad, and have a taste of the west before she starts her Master's degree, getting involved with a cowboy is the last thing on her mind—especially when she’s greeted with warnings about ‘Bad Boy’ Chay Ridgway.

High school dropout Chay Ridgway sees summer as his time to be a rodeo star and win a girl in his life, while facing the responsibilities he has for his father. Although working to bring in cash to help his dad, he's never had a problem finding a woman who's happy to be that summer love—until K.C. Daniels appears on the scene.

As two different worlds collide in a season that will end all too soon, is this going to be another summer romance or a love that will last for years?

And find me at:

Website & Blog:  http://andreadowning.com

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/writerAndreaDowning

Twitter:  @andidowning  https://twitter.com/AndiDowning

Goodreads:  http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6446229.Andrea_Downing

Amazon Author Page:  http://www.amazon.com/Andrea-Downing/e/B008MQ0NXS/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0

HELLO EVERYONE!! by Andrea Downing

So there I was, innocently stepping into the hallway outside my apartment to put something in the garbage. And I tripped…

Snap! I broke my shoulder. In two places.  And then the call came…

Okay, so being asked to join The Roses of Prose wasn’t quite the kind of ‘call’ I’d been hoping for, but it is definitely a step in the right direction.  You know the call I wanted:  Steven Spielberg ringing to say Loveland would make a great television series and was I willing to dash off eight two-hour scripts. That sort of thing.  But this will do, and I’m very pleased to be here.  Except for the shoulder, of course.  Sort of makes typing difficult.  My two hands work perfectly fine, only trouble is that one of them is now located in the general area of my belly button. To see what I mean, bring one arm tightly down your side (it can be the less used arm—mine is, but give me a break—not THAT kind of break!—this is tough enough).  Now, the lower part of your arm with hand has to be at right angle across your stomach. Now tie it up nice and tight. And NOW see what you can do.  Try taking a shower and washing your underarms. (for those of you grossed out, I fling the washcloth….never mind)   How about getting your bra done up?  Washing your face…and rinsing it. (Warning: have mop to hand)  Flossing? Now for some more fun, throw Percocet into the mix. Once you discover what day it actually is, take that shower again, and when you realize, as I did, that you just put shampoo on your washcloth instead of body wash, try not to then put hair conditioner on the washcloth—as I did.

Life is full of surprises, and being asked to join the Roses of Prose was one of the better ones this week.  Thank you, ladies, I’m very pleased to be here. 

And for those of you out there who don’t know me, I write both contemporary and historical western romance (the apartment is in New York, the mind is in Wyoming).  You can also find me on my Website Facebook Twitter  Goodreads  and Amazon

 My latest, a novella Bad Boy, Big Heart, has just come out in an anthology titled Come Love a Cowboy. Only 99c for 8 stories by best-selling and award-winning authors, it’s available at http://www.amazon.com/Come-Love-Cowboy-Kathleen-Ball-ebook/dp/B01D5876UK/  

Here’s the blurb for Bad Boy, Big Heart :    

     When New Yorker K.C. Daniels heads to Wyoming for a summer job, she wants nothing more than to fit in with the staff of the Lazy S Ranch. Yearning to be independent of her mom and dad, and have a taste of the west before she starts her Master's degree, getting involved with a cowboy is the last thing on her mind—especially when she’s greeted with warnings about ‘Bad Boy’ Chay Ridgway.

     High school dropout Chay Ridgway sees summer as his time to be a rodeo star and win a girl in his life, while facing the responsibilities he has for his father. Although working to bring in cash to help his dad, he's never had a problem finding a woman who's happy to be that summer love—until K.C. Daniels appears on the scene.

     As two different worlds collide in a season that will end all too soon, is this going to be another summer romance or a love that will last for years?

And a little taste to tempt you:

“I…I’ve been told things about you. I don’t want to be a summer romance. And I do have to leave at the end of the summer, and the summer is fast fading.”

“It’s only June, K.C.” He hesitated before, “What sort of things were you told?”

K.C. looked around to make sure they weren’t being overheard. “That you like to…to date the girls who work in the office because we leave at the end of the summer, and it makes for a clean break.”

“True.”

K.C. blinked at his honesty.

“But it doesn’t mean it will always be the case.” Chay fidgeted on his chair. “What time do you get off? Let’s go for a ride. You do ride, don’t you?”

“I ride…English.”

“Oh, yeah. Bob said something about that. That can be fixed. So what time?”

“Five-thirty weekdays, Saturday noon as long as the check-outs are complete. Sunday is hit or miss; I work virtually all day until all the check-ins are done.”

“Hmmm. I’m taking out a pack trip tomorrow, back Friday. Meet me down at the barns as soon as you’re off Saturday.” Chay swung out of the chair and stood, then leaned in and stabbed one more bite of cheesecake. “Saving you calories,” he said. “You’d be amazed at what goes into this.” And with that, he stuffed the piece in his mouth and was off.

K.C. sat there, turning over Chay’s words in her mind: ‘It doesn’t mean it will always be the case.’ Yet the fact was, her Master’s degree meant two years…oh, what was she thinking? That was way ahead and, while she knew she was deeply attracted to Chay, it didn’t necessarily mean…. She stared at the remaining cheesecake on her plate, then pushed it away.

What was ‘the case’?

THAT KISS, THAT KISS by Andrea Downing

Let's welcome Andrea Downing to The Roses of Prose today.

Recently, while having my daughter do a last proofread of a manuscript of mine, looking for typos and missing words, she pointed out that the scene describing a second kiss used identical words to the scene of the first kiss. Well spotted! But, uh-oh—another re-write.  While we, as authors, tell different stories and have different settings, and therefore different leads to the kiss, once we get there it’s very difficult to make each kiss different; describing a basic human action that occurs a gazillion times a day around the world takes an awful lot of imagination!

One of my favorite country/western songs is Faith Hill’s ‘This Kiss,’ so it seemed like a good place to start looking for inspiration. “You got me like a rocket shooting straight across the sky” could, I guess, be adjusted for a heroine, though it wasn’t quite the inner emotion I was looking for.  We hadn’t reached “perpetual bliss” in the storyline as yet, and as the second kiss, it wasn’t the “pivotal moment.” “Centrifugal motion”?  Was the heroine spinning?  Maybe…then again, maybe not.  “Subliminal”? Hmm.  Scientifically, yes.

The scientific word for kissing is osculation. Your lips, apparently, tell your brain a huge amount of information (without words!) and, subsequently, oxytocin and dopamine may be released.  If the kiss is a good ’un, and you feel safe and secure in it (very important), you’re likely to continue the relationship.  If the kiss is bad, well, adios pal…. It follows, then, that long-lasting relationships include a lot of kissing! But back to writing the kiss, did I really want to describe the release of oxytocin?  I think not.

I headed off to that universal source of all research, Google, hoping I might find some words I could employ in my description. ‘How to describe a kiss’ brought up a Wiki How-to. Amazing.  Wiki claims there are three parts to describing the kiss:  setting the scene, creating a build-up, and describing the kiss. When I saw the first part started with, “Choose who is going to be kissing whom,” my heart sank. That was long decided, and it was obvious that the scene was already set. Okay, so I moved on to ‘Creating a Build-up.’ This included the advice of having one character notice something new or interesting about the other. Really?…On, then, to describing the kiss. Wiki advises using all five senses and including placement of lips, tongue, heads, eyes, noses, hands and arms, and also describing how the kiss ends.  This all seems a bit technical to me, rather like being given instructions on how to build a toy airplane—placement of wing, nose, body, tail, and undercarriage.

I’ve decided I’m neither too old nor have been single for so long that I cannot describe a kiss. 

So here is where my research never led me, that second kiss in Bad Boy, Big Heart from the Come Love a Cowboy anthology of contemporary western romance: 

His face hovered so close to hers, she could see the tiny specks in the green of his eyes, like leaves floating on a pond. She leaned slightly into him and let her lips be captured, let his hands hold her face gently so the kiss went deeper, and his tongue found the cavern of her mouth, his lips arresting her own. K.C. felt as if that kiss went down to her toes, moved through her body like some warming drink, quenching the thirst she had for him. Her toes curled with the delight of it, and her heart ached as he pulled away.

And if you wish to read the first and third kisses, please head on to http://www.amazon.com/Come-Love-Cowboy-Kathleen-Ball-ebook/dp/B01D5876UK

COME LOVE A COWBOY

Eight stand-alone Contemporary Western Romance novellas from Bestselling and Award Winning Authors.

From firefighters, bronco busters, and wealthy ranchers to bad boys, we have them all for you!  If you've ever wanted to fall in love with a sexy, alpha cowboy of today...now's your chance.

A savings of more than 75% if the books were purchased separately.

Luke’s Fate by Kathleen Ball

Meg O’Brien hoped never to lay eyes on the one man who broke her heart. To her dismay, Luke Kelly arrives at her ranch a much different and broken man. Can Meg ever forgive his callous treatment of her and help Luke become the man he used to be?

Grant Me The Moon by Caroline Clemmons

All Tory Fraser intended was to show her high school history club students a local archeology dig. How could she know the excursion would involve a murder?

Three for The Win by Keta Diablo

Hollis should have known better than to fall for a bone-melting man like Stede. He’s gone now and Eli is left to pick up the broken pieces of her life.

Border Affair by Hebby Roman

When his partners’ daughter is kidnapped in México, a self-made millionaire must confront his feelings about their affair and the future of their relationship.

Leaving Necessity by Margo Bond Collins

Mac has one week to convince his ex-girlfriend Clara not to sell his oil company. In this high-pressure reunion, can they strike love again?

The Shape of Destiny by Julie A. D’Arcy

A young male shape shifter. A beautiful female ranch owner. Can love be born in a web of deceit?

Bad Boy, Big Heart by Andrea Downing

She’s a New Yorker escaping her parents.  He’s a Wyoming cowboy supporting his dad. One summer, two young people—three months to find love.

Desert Heat by Patti Sherry-Crews

A single mother struggling to keep her guest ranch puts her own desires on hold. When a handsome and persistent fireman sets his sights on her, she must decide how much she’s willing to give.

Available for only 99 cents at http://www.amazon.com/Come-Love-Cowboy-Kathleen-Ball-ebook/dp/B01D5876UK/