When my mother was growing up, a woman’s role was pretty
much cut in stone. She graduated from high school, got married, had kids, and
took care of her home and family. If her family was wealthy enough, she went
to college after high school, then the rest followed. It was relatively rare
that a woman had a career. If she didn’t get married, she worked as a
secretary, telephone operator, maybe a nurse or teacher. If her family/husband
were well-to-do, she had Junior League and her volunteer work. Her life was
planned out for her.
During World War II, women were told to step up. Remember
Rosie the Riveter? What about A League of
Their Own about women’s professional baseball? Women had to do “men’s” work
because the guys were off fighting a war. When the men returned, it was “get
back to the kitchen, ladies, you’re not needed anymore.” I often wondered how
those women felt. They’d gotten independence, earned a good living, then—wham!—back
to the old ways. I would've resented the heck out of it.
Television in the 1950s showed what life was like for a woman. Father Knows Best, June Cleaver, Harriet Nelson. Mom wore an apron and high heels while keeping an immaculate home.
Everything changed in the 1960s. Women decided to plan their
own lives. Many of those who came of age in the 60s were torn, confused. We’d
been taught (by our mother’s example, television, etc.) a certain way of life
then expected by our peers to raise our sights higher. As if raising a family
wasn’t enough. As if that job had no value.
I certainly don’t want to return to the days of my mother.
Where women had no choices. What is great about these days is choice. Our
careers are unlimited. Want to be an astronaut? Go for it. Want to be a teacher?
It’s your decision. If you want to be a stay-at-home mom, your choice.
When my daughter was growing up, I taught her she could be
anything she wants. As my granddaughters grow up, I hope their opportunities will
be even greater.
Diane
Burton writes romantic adventure . . . stories that take place on Earth and
beyond. She blogs here on the 8th and 30th of each month and on Mondays on her
own site: http://dianeburton.blogspot.com/
11 comments:
I had that Father Knows Best upbringing with a stay-at-home mom. I went to college, got a job and worked for years, then had babies and went back to being a stay-at-home mom until they were old enough to be on their own after school. I still work part time and write full time, and my house isn't as clean as it used to be. But I'm so happy I have choices!
We're so lucky to have grown up with Gloria Steinem and the bunch...and as Jannine said, learning about choices even as we were raised in conventional families. In her last years my mother would shake her head at the amazing lives her daughters chose...she was proud, but it was also clear that our lives were beyond her imagination. My husband and I also made the big move in the late 70's not to have kids; I came from a family of five. Back then, that was a huge (different) life style choice. I was born at a lucky time...when I could make all kinds of important choices.
Jannine, I could have written your comment. I don't have the part (or full) time job anymore. Sure is great to have choices.
Rolynn, my mom never understood her granddaughters' choices. I'm just so glad they could make them.
My mother forced herself into the mold of her times and resented every minute of it (and of course, we were well aware of her feelings). She was highly educated, with an M.A. from Yale, and expected to devote her life to raising more children than she really wanted and doing lots of volunteer work. She encouraged her daughters to make their own choices, and we have all managed some mix of full-time work and raising a family. My daughter and her friends take much of this for granted, but I'm SO glad for their choices.
I'm also glad women have choices. We HAVE come a long way. :) Although, I'll admit, there's a certain idyllic appeal to being a June Cleaver. She was a stay at home mom and seemed happy in the role. I love that she spoke her mind and stood up to Ward when need be. (This is coming from someone who has had a job since I was 12 and worked hard while raising three kids, divorced when they were fairly young, still work full-time while writing, editing, etc, too.) I can't say I personally would have been happy in June's role, but if I had a husband like Ward, I might have. :) But, I definitely would have wanted choices. My mother was a stay at home mom, for the most part, but she sold Tupperware for a while and she loved doing it. She had choices, but she chose to be at home. Enjoyed your post!
Alison, I can imagine your mother's frustration, but also her joy (?) that her daughters had the choices she didn't. Our daughters sometimes are unaware of how hard those before them worked so they have choices.
Alicia, June Cleaver was an impossible ac to follow. On that score, look at the fathers of 1950s TV. No losing his temper, even when the kids acted up. Always patient. Wouldn't that be hard to follow?
Great post that got me thinking. My mom was a stay at home mom and my dad would say "my wife will never work." Luckily, my mom didn't want to work and actually loved that my dad "took care of her." On the other hand, my dad told me I could do it all and have it all. I was encouraged to go to college and do as I please. I got lots of mixed messages in my family. I couldn't have lived my mom's life so good thing my dad saw that in me.
Those of us who came of age in the sixties were fortunate. I did the having it all lifestyle for yeareaching, career and family, and it was exhausting but satisfying. My mother AND dad worked out of the home since he was a freelance writer/pr person. Happily, my daughters have those choices we 'sixtiesers' fought so hard for. One daughter stayed home with her kids, then went to work, the other took a career path from the get go, kids and all. Both equally successful.
When my husband and I decided to have children (yes, choice IS wonderful), we knew we'd both have to work. When our older son was about a year old, I remember reading an editorial by a woman of an older generation who claimed that "working mothers" were being selfish, choosing to go to work and ignoring their families to buy luxuries. Ha! I wrote an editorial in response slamming her for her narrow-mindedness. It was published (I was so shocked!). It was my first published writing. :-) My husband and I have worked full-time, part-time, self-employment, alternating shifts -- you name it -- over the years to make it work, but it was our choice. Great post, Diane.
Post a Comment