Coming together
is a beginning, staying together is progress, and working together is success.
~ Henry Ford
Several years ago, I
worked with a young woman who was going through (and ending) a difficult
marriage. When my anniversary came around, she asked how we stayed together so
long—now 42 years. I wished I could have told her Henry Ford’s quote. How very
true it is about a marriage. Also true for any partnership.
I did tell her that
marriage is not a 50-50 deal. Sometimes one gives more than 50% and sometimes
the other person does. But it should never be the same person always giving.
Hubs and I came
together on a blind date. And we clicked. You know how a romance starts. Stars
in the eyes. We see no wrongs. Our loved one is perfect. After the wedding,
reality sets in. He leaves his underwear on the floor and the toilet seat up.
She nags. Kids come along and she’s overwhelmed with diapers and mountains of
laundry. He comes home from the factory or office, worn out by heat, traffic, and
bosses who require the impossible. All he wants is peace and quiet. She wants adult
conversation. Even though that’s a scenario probably not relevant to today’s
couple, there have to be some similarities.
I followed my
husband’s job to five different cities. Just when I got settled in one spot, we
moved again. Five times in a long marriage is nothing compared to what the
families of our service men and women endure. Each move required me staying
behind to deal with the details of putting a house up for sale, arranging for
movers, transferring the kids’ school records, etc. That’s when I felt like I
was giving a whole lot more than 50%. Often I didn’t think how lonely it had to
be for Hubs living in a motel room while his family was hundreds of miles away.
Driving (or flying) home every weekend with its incumbent stress while trying
to provide financially for his family must have felt like he was giving the
most.
It’s a good thing we
don’t keep score. LOL
What we have figured
out is that we each have our strengths. By building on those strengths, our
marriage goes on. Has it always been wonderful? Of course not. But even during
times of stress, we’ve talked out our problems and worked together. That’s success.
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