Wednesday, July 30, 2014

He Is That Into Her by Diane Burton



One of our movie topics this month is He’s Just Not That Into You. While I haven’t seen the movie or read the book of the same name, I can guess what it’s about. Loving someone who doesn’t love you. Way back in 1972, I met a man on a blind date. Mutual friends set us up and, I’m happy to say, we’ve been together ever since. I was very lucky that he was as into me as I was him. Still am. We’ve gone through good times and difficult ones, with the good outweighing the bad. We have two terrific children who have found people who are as into them as they are.

So why am I waxing poetic? Our son’s upcoming wedding. If that movie was about him, it could have been titled She’s Just Not That Into You. Until three years ago. Hubs and I met her shortly after and were equally smitten with her. She’s gracious, easy to be with, and loves our son. It was so obvious three years ago and even more so now. And he’s head over heels in love with her.

Several years ago, I shared an office with a young woman—so young that her mother was younger than me. She’d been going through a rough time in her marriage and asked me the “secret” of Hubs and mine. Some secret. LOL This is what I told her.

There’s no 50-50 in a marriage. Sometimes one gives 100% and sometimes the other does. It can’t be one person doing all the giving. 

“Please” and “thank you” are definitely magic words. 

Accept the other with all their faults and foibles. I drive Hubs crazy with my not finishing one project before jumping into another. He drives me crazy when he calls a smokestack a “chimley.” 


Neither of us is perfect, but we’ve found what works for us. I hope my son discovers what works for him and his future bride.




Normally, I blog on the 8th and 30th of the month. Since August 8th is the wedding, I’ve traded places with Vonnie Davis so I’ll be here on the 12th.


14 comments:

Margo Hoornstra said...

Heavy sigh, Diane. Life is so good, isn't it? It's great when our kids find the loves of their lives. Congratulations!

Alicia Dean said...

What a lovely post! I never found what you have with your husband, even though I was married for twelve and a half years. I cared about him, still do, but it wasn't a 'forever love.' I don't think that was in the cards for me, which is fine, because I really love being alone. (Sounds odd, I know, but I REALLY do. I can't imagine ever again sharing my life with another person. Shudder...) However, I feel a little guilty, because, none of my three children, thus far, have found that kind of love. Did I somehow jinx them? Or, inadvertently teach them that love wasn't necessary. Hmmmm...this is the first time I've considered that. Thanks a lot, Diane! ;) Just kidding. I'm very happy for your wonderful marriage, and that your son has found his soul mate. Enjoy the wedding!

Diane Burton said...

Margo, yes indeed. Life can throw us wicked curves but once in a while it gives us great joy.

Alicia, finding that right person to want to spend your life with is extremely hard. Think the commercial for eHarmony on speed dating. LOL You've raised your kids to be independent. Nothing wrong with that.

Patricia Kiyono said...

I've spent 33 years with my Prince Charming, and as you said, it's not 50-50. It's more like 100-100. Three of our five kids (so far) have managed to find their better halves, though one hit the jackpot on his second try. Two are happily independent - for now. And as you told Alicia, there's nothing wrong with that. Great post, as always, Diane.

Melissa Keir said...

I am lucky that I found it the second time around. Just last night we were driving home from dinner with his parents and his aunt and here husband. I turned and told him that I have my best friend in him. I didn't have any need for anyone else.

That's how I feel. We get on each other's nerves and have times of great love...but he's my best friend and I still find him sexy. I'm glad you have found it and that your children have as well. :)

Kristen Brockmeyer said...

What a great post, Diane. I celebrated my 10th with my husband this year. We dated for 7 years before that (drat that they don't prorate anniversaries!). Happily-ever-after takes a lot of work, but we're in it for the long haul. Congrats to your son

Betsy Ashton said...

My husband, my best friend, my soul mate and I met January 23, 1981. We've been together ever since. I cannot imagine life without him. All of us who commented here about long term relationships are the lucky and plucky ones. We know how to compromise when needed.

Lucy Naylor Kubash said...

I won't call my other half my Prince Charming, because he's really not charming too often, but he is my best friend and the person I turn to when I'm in need. We were engaged 43 years ago this summer and are about to return to the "scene of the crime" in a few weeks, the Grand Tetons of Wyoming. We are so excited! I wish your son and his wife all the best. Marriage is hard and I tell people it's something you have to work at every day to make it work. But it's worth it when you find the one. Luckily, you and I both did.

Diane Burton said...

Love reading about all the positive experiences. I know I was lucky to find my best friend. I'm so glad for those of you who found yours.

glenys said...

Congratulations on the upcoming wedding - it sounds like a fairy tale match!
Love you're list of marriage saving advice. We're celebrating 42 years this year (I was a child bride!) and I'd add the need for a sense of humor and, as Betsy said, to be best friends.

Leah St. James said...

Wonderful post, Diane! Wishing your son and his bride so much happiness. :-) I've been with my husband more than 35 years now, and I think the best piece of advice came from his mother. (His parents were married for more than 40 years when she passed away.) It was to never go to bed angry with each other. It's hard (back to that not always 50/50 thing), but it seems to have stuck!

Diane Burton said...

Glenys and Leah, congrats on the longevity of your marriages. You've found your own secrets of making it work.

Jannine Gallant said...

Yep, you have to take the bad habits with the good. I'm a control freak. He leaves clothes and shoes and dishes (I could go on and on) everywhere. We just have to learn to accept. Great post!

Diane Burton said...

Thanks, Jannine. Learning to accept. Another secret. :)