Where Did She Go?
by Jerri Hines
Time is a
relative thing. Isn’t it? I mean the older we get the faster it ticks away.
There are never enough hours in the day. Running late as usual, I stopped by
for a quick visit. Have to. Haven’t been by in awhile.
The
backdoor open, I walked in, sliding back the screen door to find Mom sitting in
her chair. She smiled up at me, the most beautiful smile. A laugh escaped her,
a laugh to die for. The house used to echo her laughter.
“Oh, it’s
you. You have come to visit,” she said.
I smiled
back at her. It’s been years since she said my name. I looked over at Dad. It
has been one of those days I can see. His tired worn eyes betrayed him, but not
his words.
Leaning
over and kissing Mom’s cheek, I turned to Dad. “Why don’t you go out? I’m here
for as long as you need me. Pat is at a dinner for work.”
“Do you
mind? I could run down to the Knight’s?” he asked.
“Not a
problem,” I answered, reprimanding myself. I should have come by more often and
watched her for him.
Realizing
in that moment, I have taken my older sister, Donna, for granted. She has taken
the blunt of this. Never having married, I had convinced myself she had the
time to look after Mom and Dad. Forgetting perhaps, she was my mother, too.
I watched
Dad leave from the window and turned back to Mom.
“Where did
that man go?” she asked.
I
sighed.“He’ll be right back.”
“Who?” she
asked. She stood up and walked toward the kitchen.
“Are you
hungry? Let me fix you something,” I said while following her.
She leaned
down and picked up a tiny, tiny scrap of paper on the floor. I wondered for a
moment how could she have seen it. She picked it up and placed it in the palm
of her hand.
“Do you
want me to take that?”
She doesn’t
answer, but I reached over and took it. Throwing it in the garbage, I watched
her walk over to the table, rearranging the centerpiece. She turned back to me.
“Where did
that man go?”
“He’ll be
back in a minute,” I answered her again. My eyes caught sight of a stack of
pictures at the corner of the table.
Picking
them up, I flipped through them. I held the past in my hand. Pictures of my
father fifty years ago. So good looking, smiling in his army uniform. Another
of their wedding…baby pictures of us kids.
So long
ago. How I missed those days. Engrossed in the pictures, I didn’t noticed at
first she had sat down. She held the picture of my father in her hand. Gently
her hand glazed over the face.
“He’s
handsome,” she said, not releasing it but gripping it tighter. She reached for
the stack of pictures. I relented and studied her as she looked through them.
Suddenly
the urge surged through me that I wanted her back. I wanted her to take me in
her arms as she had when I was a child. Smooth away the pain. To tell me that
all would be fine.
“Everything
will be better in the morning,” she used to tell me.
Instead,
she looked up at me. “Where did that man go?”
“He’ll be
back in a minute,” I answered once more. She seemed appeased and went back to
looking through the pictures.
We sat
there going through the pictures. I answered her patiently when she asked me
who it was.
“That’s
Tommy. Your oldest grandson.”
“Are you
sure?” she asked.
I nodded.
She stared down at it thoughtfully. I saw her mind struggle to remember,
searching for something familiar. There had been times in the past when she
would break down and cry at this point. Today she went to the next picture.
How
desperately I wanted to share with her my memories. Moments in my life I
cherish. Would always cherish. Wouldn’t I?
I wanted to
tell her I would never have survived high school without her. It wasn’t until
my children got to be in high school that I realized why Mom stayed up and
hugged me before I went to bed. Later in life she told me she just wanted to
make sure I hadn’t been drinking. Nothing ever got by her. I wanted her to know
I have done the same with my children.
I chuckled
to myself remembering how much she disliked Pat when I began dating him. Never
did she come straight out and tell me. No, it wasn’t her way. Subtle remarks
here and there. They stopped the day I married. Over the years, surprisingly
she formed a special bond with my husband.
Then the vision of her when I was
giving birth to Justin flashed before me. Pat was by my side when the doctor
said his heart rate dropped and they needed to perform an emergency Cesarean.
Being wheeled down the corridor to the OR, I heard her before I saw her. Running
down the corridor like a mad woman, she stopped us for a second.
Bending down over me, she
whispered, “I love you.”
I heard her as I was being wheeled
away. “I couldn’t let them take her in without telling her…”
I looked
back at her. Oh, God, what happened to my mother? The woman who never forgot a
date in her life, a birthday, an anniversary, dates that I didn’t even know
meant anything.
Smiling at
me, she asked, “Where’s that man? Suppose he forgot to come back.”
“He’ll be
back in a minute.”
She nodded.
Her head tilted to the side when she came to the next picture, the picture of
her on her wedding day. Beautiful, smiling broadly, so happy.
Her eyes
met mine. “Where did she go?”
More than 5
million Americans are affected by Alzheimer’s. My husband’s mother, Marilyn, is
one of them. From a personal perceptive, Alzheimer’s is an awful disease taking
from your love ones their memories. I have watched my husband’s family struggle
with this fact. At first, I watched a lovely, warm woman struggle to remember
simple facts. Frustration sets in. She wasn’t what she wanted to be. Then after
another stage, she became more like a child. Accepting what you told her
amiably, instead it was his family who endured the hurt. I have watched my
father-in-law stand by his wedding vows, for
better or worse, in sickness or health, faithfully. When I write a romance,
I write about finding a love to last a life time. It happens…I’ve seen it.
So come
Sunday, September 25th, my family and I are walking for Marilyn. If
you want to learn more about what we are doing click here.
You will find my next
release, The Judas Kiss, out this coming January, 2012, with Whiskey Creek Press.
A historical romance. I’m excited because it’s the first in the Tides of
Charleston series. You will find my other books, Dream Walker and Patriot Secrets, at most ebook stores. Follow me on Facebook-Novel
Works is my fan page where I recommend books, authors, blogs… I’m
also on Twitter@jhines340.
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