Book Festivals and New Release by Diane Burton

Is it worth it to do book festivals? I've participated in six events in two and a half months. Most were local, so mileage wasn't too bad. Plus, most I shared a ride with another author, which cut the gas and table cost in half. But, here's the kicker question: did I break even? Half and half. That's disappointing. I have three more this fall, then it's time to re-evaluate.

When sitting at a table, watching potential readers sail by is disheartening. But sometimes they stop and pick up my book. I tell them a little about it--like it takes place nearby, which always gets a smile. Just when I think they'll buy it, they set the book down and say they'll be back. I know they won't. They're just being polite. 

But then there's a person who buys all three books in a series because she's going on vacation and wants to read mysteries. Yay! Or the person who says she's read all my books and wants the newest one. Double yay!

A book event is a mixture of surprised elation and heartbreak. Besides the cost of gas and the table, there's also the time. Should I be home writing the next story or working on promo? Or playing with the grandkiddies? The latter is the most fun.

In anticipation of these events, I finally put two of my shorter books (ROMANCE REKINDLED and MISSION TO NEW EARTH) in paperback. ROMANCE REKINDLED is a Christmas story, so I have big hopes for that one the closer we get to the holidays.

Now for the best news. In August, I received the rights back to ONE RED SHOE, a romantic suspense. I love this book. I love all my books, but this one has a special place in my heart. Our own Alicia Dean did the original editing and made the story so much better. Because the cover art belonged to the publishing house, I needed a new one. Our own Alison Henderson did the cover. I hope you think it's as good as I do. I love it!

Here's a little about ONE RED SHOE:

Blurb:

It Happened One Night meets Knight and Day

When elementary teacher Daria Mason left Iowa for a writers’ conference in New York City, she didn’t expect to come home with a wounded spy. Sam Jozwiak works for a shadow agency that gathers intel vital to U.S. security. From the moment he steals digital files from a Russian Mafia kingpin, Murphy’s Law takes over. No matter how he covers his tracks, the kingpin’s assassins find him. What’s worse than getting shot in the butt? Accepting help from an Iowa tourist. Thus, begins a road trip that takes Sam and Daria cross country with the assassins right behind them.

Excerpt:

For the second time in her life, Daria Mason came face-to-face with a man pointing a weapon at her. A pervert, with unzipped jeans, wielded a green box knife. Because she’d raced into the restroom without checking out the situation, he now stood between her and the exit.

She was at the end of the proverbial rope. After walking in circles, she finally found a restroom and nobody was stopping her from using it. Especially not someone playing copycat with that guy in the movie who wore one red shoe.

“I am having a really bad day,” she declared in the don’t cross me voice she used on her brothers. As soon as her words echoed off the hideous pink and black tiled walls and floor, she lowered her voice. “You are in the wrong place, mister. Now zip up and get out.” She pointed straight-armed toward the door.

The man shook his head and set the flimsy knife on the counter. “Lady, you have more guts than sense. You are in the wrong place, at the wrong time.” His voice was even softer than hers. He eyed her with a look so dark and intense it paralyzed her like a hawk freezes its prey. She swallowed past the fear in her throat, certain it sounded like a gulp.

ONE RED SHOE is available for pre-order at Amazon http://a.co/d/8DH9M5H

Humor by Diane Burton

What is it about humor that appeals to so many yet eludes others? I was a serious child. Oldest of seven, the one left in charge, the responsible one. That carried over into my adult life. Until I met a certain guy with a wicked sense of humor. He could tease me out of my seriousness and helped me find my own sense of humor. I was smart enough to grab onto that guy, and we’ve been married for almost forty-six years. I’m still too serious at times in real life, but I can let go in my writing.

While I love science fiction movies, like Star Trek, Star Wars and Serenity (Firefly spinoff), romantic comedy is my favorite type of movie. Romancing the Stone, It’s Complicated, Something’s Gotta Give, Six Days, Seven Nights. Falling in love is serious business, but without that spark of humor it came be maudlin. 

Humor comes in many forms. Give me wicked banter any day over slapstick. I never understood the appeal of the Three Stooges. Maybe that’s a guy thing. I loved the Saturday morning cartoon Rocky & Bullwinkle because of the dialogue. Same with the Muppet Movie. When they were young, I took my children to see that movie at an afternoon matinee. The best part was the dad behind me who, along with the few other adults in the theater, couldn’t stop laughing at all the “good” parts—like “gone with the Schwin.” I love that the writers of children’s movies slip in the comedic touches for the adults.

I said I’m not fond of slapstick, so how do you explain my love of the Stephanie Plum series? The physical comedy is laugh out loud funny. Author Janet Evanovich knows how to take a situation, twist it, turn it on its ear and make it hilarious. I should never read those books in bed because the bed shakes from holding in my laughter—don’t want to wake the Hubs with laughing out loud.

Life is serious. The news every night keeps getting grimmer and more disturbing. Comedy is an antidote to life. The value of humor is vastly underrated. In fact, rarely has a comedy won an Oscar, with the exception of It Happened One Night (1934). In fact, it won 5 Oscars. Actors whose forte is their comedic timing rarely win Academy Awards. What do they receive awards for? Their dramatic work.

Medical studies tell us that laughter releases endorphins, nature’s natural pain killers. Laughter relaxes the skeletal system, reduces stress, lowers the blood pressure and regulates the heart rate. According to inspirational speaker Marilyn Meburg, your liver needs laughter because it gets no exercise. The liver is the organ in your body that gets rid of toxins. So, if you’re not laughing you’re neglecting your liver.

Give your liver and the rest of your body that antidote to “real life” and enjoy a good comedy.

When I wrote Switched, a science fiction romance, it was not a good time. My stories had been rejected time and again. Finally, I wrote for fun. I wasn't going to submit it because (back in 1999) no publishing house was buying sci-fi romance. Or so I thought. In 2000, a small niche publisher of paranormal, fantasy, and science fiction romance heard about my story. (A friend of a friend mentioned it to the owner.) I was encouraged to submit. And they bought it. Yay! The editor told me she laughed so hard, she fell out of bed reading my story. That made me feel so great.

Switched came out in 2001 and was available for two years before the rights reverted back to me. Many years later, a friend told me about self-publishing in e-book version. She said the book was just sitting there doing nothing, why not? So in 2011, I self-published Switched. People bought it. Wow. I was on a roll. Since then, I've self-published 11 books with one more on the way. I believe that humor sold Switched more than the science or the romance.

Blurb:

As if being kidnapped by aliens isn't bad enough, Jessie Wyndom discovers they grabbed her by mistake. She wise cracks past her fear especially when she learns she was part of an experiment separating Terran twins before birth. Her twin just took Jessie's place back in Ann Arbor, Michigan while she gets to twiddle her thumbs on an Alliance of Planets starship. The only good part is the hunky captain. Except. He's so unemotional he could be Mr. Spock's double.

Captain Marcus Viator's well-organized life is turned upside down by the free-spirited female from Earth. Problems with the starship prevent him from returning her to her home. Together, they discover treachery and true love.

Switched is available for 99₵ at Amazon ~ Amazon UK ~ B&N ~ Kobo ~ iTunes ~ Smashwords

What are your favorite comedy books or movies?

Diane Burton combines her love of mystery, adventure, science fiction, and romance into writing romantic fiction. She blogs here on the 16th and 30th of each month. She shares snippets from her stories every weekend on her blog.  Her latest release is NUMBERS NEVER LIE, a romantic suspense, available at Amazon, free on Kindle Unlimited. 

This post first appeared on Christine Warner's blog on 9-26-2012. It has been tweaked and expanded for today.

HELP! I’VE BEEN ABDUCTED! BY Vonnie Davis

I’m begging Leah to post this for me. You see I bought a new computer with Windows 10. The new version abducted nearly all my passwords. I can’t blog anywhere including my own place. I have an online charge account I can’t pay. And I can’t renew our drivers’ licenses. 

I’m trying to fix it all. I really am, but it takes time. Time when I’d rather be writing. When I need to be writing and promoting. I hate when life gets in the way and it has at our house recently.

I’ve got kidney stones. Calvin keeps falling and no doctor can figure out why. He lost his main hearing aid and I’ve yet to find it. And today he lost the other one in the garage. Thank goodness we found it. My sweetheart decided he’d make a frozen pizza so I could keep on reading over a galley. Ten minutes later, the house was filled with smoke and every smoke detector in the house was blaring. We had tomato soup and grilled cheese for supper while fans worked overtime.

But life is still good. We’ve got each other and our sense of humors. And I’ve got a fairly new release. It’s steamier than I usually write and there’s a scene in a BDSM club that is more comical than sexual. The novella is part of Kindle Worlds. It allowed me to bring to life a heroine I’ve been dreaming of for three years or more. A female coach of a male collegiate basketball team. 

Men coach women’s teams and no one bats an eye. Why can’t a woman coach the men? I did some Google research and found there had been a female coach of a men’s team. And I thought if there was one, maybe there was two or three. So my female coach, Gracie Luera, would work. She also writes erotic romance during off season and is working hard at her strong attraction to bad boys.

She travels to NYC to RWA and is mugged. Who comes to her rescue? Football bad boy Webb Mohanty. It’s laughter and pure steam as they fight their attraction for each other…even at the BDSM club where she’s gone with another writer to do research for a book. 

Buy link: http://a.co/6dS5zUH
www.vonniedavis.com

My 23 Pair of Chromosomes by Vonnie Davis

I'm intrigued by DNA and Chromosomes. An egotistical interest, perhaps, but I feel I know my twenty-three pair that make me...me. But then we all know I don't have a scientific mind. Let me describe my pairs ...

1. I was born with red hair, but at sixty it naturally turned dark brown. Thank God for beauticians.
2. I speak with a stutter, but sing smoothly, just not on key.
3. I love sports, but throw a ball at me and I will close my eyes.
4. I crave sweet and salty foods, but never at the same time.
5. Before I started writing full-time, I thought I knew it all, now after five years, I realize I know nothing.
6. I can't write while TV shows or movies are playing, but can really knock out the word count during football and basketball games.
7. My eyes have macular degeneration. Wet in one eye and dry in the other. Even my eyes don't match.
8. I've got a vivid imagination, but can't come up with one decent book title.
9. I can eat an 8 ounce candy bar and gain 6 pounds, 9 ounces (Go figure).
10. It's a compulsion to give all my children, grandchildren, and book heroines nicknames, even though I find them annoying for other people.
11. It's easier for me to fall going up steps than it is for me to fall going down.
12. I hate talking on the phone, but will instant message you to death.
13. I can do math in my head, but put a formula in front of me and my brain freezes.
14. I can drink whiskey and strong mixed drinks, but am drunk on half a beer.
15. I can grow silk flowers, but real ones seem to die (My sons claim it's the lack of watering).
16. I passed my driver's license test by wearing a mini-skirt, now if I wear a short skirt, I'm arrested for indecent exposure.
17. I can speak in Spanish, French, and Japanese and stutter in them all. I have a multi-lingual stutter.
18. I come from strong German stock, yet I can throw my back out with one good sneeze.
19. I have half an ovary and that little puppy worked so hard I was still having hot flashes and night sweats at 63.
20. My one salivary gland was removed because of cancer. You can say you know a writer who isn't worth spit and you'd be right.
21. I've had skin cancer in a spot that hadn't seen the sun in 40 years.
22. I can read and write music, but the only instrument I can play is the accordion. However, my boobs get caught in the billows.

There you go, my 23 opposing and complicated pair of chromosomes. Ooops! Well, darn, there are only 22. Hey, I'm a writer, not a mathematician.

For more about Vonnie Davis, visit www.vonniedavis.com

The Most Funny, Sexy Excerpt From Resort to Murder!

By Glenys O'Connell @GlenysOConnell

We're all about The Most here at the Roses of Prose this month. I like my romance and suspense seasoned with a bit  of humor, and banter between two lovers - or would-be lovers - can be very sexy indeed!

 

In Resort to Murder, Det. Ellie Fitzpatrick is becoming re-acquainted with her former lover, Detective Superintendent Liam Reilly, who's now her boss. Even though the relationshop broke up, Reilly's instincts to protect Ellie reignite when her home is broken into and searched. He spends the night outside her seaside cottage, keeping watch....and an early morning shower in Ellie's bathroom gives him the opportunity to bait the current man in Ellie's life, Brad, as well as teasing Ellie.....

 

Excerpt:

"So, again, what are you doing on my doorstep at...?" Ellie paused to peer at the kitchen clock, "Good God, Reilly, it's barely six o'clock!"

"Yeah, well, I have an early meeting in Leeds, and I need to use your shower," Reilly replied, as if dropping in on her for bathroom facilities was routine. He opened the cupboard doors, studying the contents, before shutting them in disgust. He repeated the process at the refrigerator. "Ellie, don't you have anything to eat in this place?"

She couldn't help but smile as memories returned of Reilly, heavy eyed from a night of passion, climbing back into their love-scented bed with tea and toast as morning light filled the room. "You never were much good without your tea and toast."

"There was a time you thought I was pretty good." His temper flared and she blushed. Giving her an evil look, he dropped two bags into the teapot; made a martyred sounding request that she make tea when the kettle boiled, and asked where she kept the towels.

Ellie, about to snap a vitriolic reply, suddenly realized that if Reilly was here so early, it probably meant he'd spent the night in his car. She almost burst out laughing, except that a tiny core deep inside her bloomed with sudden tenderness. He stood watch outside, in the cold, damp, sea-seasoned night, to make sure my intruder didn't return.

 A sensuous awareness snaked lazily from the pit of her stomach and Ellie swallowed on a suddenly dry mouth. Had she known he was there, so close, she would have felt so much safer, so much more secure. Would she have invited him in so that they could keep watch together? Ah, now, that would have been exposing herself to danger for sure. That hungry little quiver beat low in her stomach as her every nerve ending responded to feelings she'd thought had died of neglect. Regretfully, she pushed them away now. She'd need all her wits about her today – her first day back at work. Ellie had bigger fish to fry than Liam Reilly. 

Deep in thought, she poured hot water on the tea bags in the pot. A shadow fell across the thin net curtains and, startled, she sloshed boiling water onto the counter. It took her a moment to realize the shadow was Brad passing her kitchen window en route to the patio. She flicked the lock up and slid the door open to let him in.

"Must be my day for early visitors," she commented, sniffing the air appreciatively as she saw the small white bakery box in his hands.

"Thought I'd bring breakfast for us again– croissants fresh from the oven," Brad said, his arms going around her and drawing her to him as his mouth sought hers.

"Don't let me interrupt anything." Reilly sauntered out of Ellie's bathroom, obviously naked except for the bath towel wrapped precariously around his waist. He rubbed at his damp hair with the end of another towel draped around his neck, the movement causing the towel around his waist to slip ever more slowly downward. Mesmerized, she stared at the tiny drops of moisture clinging to the fine mat of hair on his chest, her eyes following them downward. Once upon a time she'd have licked away those tiny droplets and he'd have…Ellie shook herself back to the present.

Brad was staring, too, his face contorted with rage. Only Reilly seemed comfortable with the scenario as he took the bakery box from Brad's hand.

 "Uhmm, are those croissants? They smell wonderful," he said, casually helping himself to the pastries, then pouring a hot mug of tea, apparently oblivious to the way his presence had exploded into the room.

Ellie had time only to register the scene herself, noting with a little shock the puckered scar, a flash of glossy pink snaking in a livid line from his upper arm across to Liam's shoulder before Brad, white-faced with anger, asked, "What the hell's he doing here?"

"Brad, there's an explanation..." Ellie stammered.

 

Resort to Murder is published by The Wild Rose Press and available here or on Amazon here . Glenys O'Connell is working on a new contemporary romance, The No Sex Clause, and finishing edits on her soon to be released romantic suspense, Saving Maggie, coming December 31st from Crimson Romance

 

 

Celebrating Diversity in Humor

Laura Breck

Have you ever watched a movie or a sitcom or a comedian and noticed people laugh at different things? When I published my first book, I received a lot of comments about how funny it was. I didn't realize it was really that humorous. When I wrote it, I added some silly, ironic comments as dialogue, but I wasn't laughing when I wrote them. Someone thought they were funny, though. Isn't that exciting!

Sometimes we don't realize we're being funny, and then there are the times when we truly don't think something's funny when everyone else does. It's like my husband and me. We'll watch a film and laugh at completely separate things. It's as if we're taking turns finding something funny. Is it possibly the writers? I laugh at things written by Writer A, and he laughs at things by Writer B?

Here's your test. Watch this video with your significant other, best friend, or funniest relative, and see if you laugh at the same things or different ones. Does one of you always laugh when someone gets hurt? Does one of you always laugh at the silly animals or babies? Give it a try and see how diverse our humor can be.

"A laugh a day will keep trouble away!"

Laura

LauraBreck.com

Secret Vegas Lives

Scandalous L.A. Desires

both available from Red Rose Publishing