Seven Ways to Know if You Are Your Own Horrible Boss

We’re talking horrible bosses on the Roses this month, and we’ve probably all had them. They can make our working lives a living hell and make us unproductive and unhappy. In fact, the stress of working in tense surroundings can actually make us ill. Many people dream of being their own bosses, but that dream can become a nightmare!

When we’re working for ourselves, especially in any kind of creative venture, we tend to be much harder on ourselves and have much higher expectations of our abilities and time than an employer would. This applies whether you’re a writer, artist, a realtor or sales person cold calling for clients for your product or service, a designer, or any other line of work that means you alone are responsible for your success or failure.

Here are seven things that show you’re being a Horrible Boss to yourself:

1)      You set yourself daily targets which ten people working full time couldn’t possibly achieve in a week. This is known as setting yourself up for failure.

2)     You’re all ready to start work when you remember some urgent non-related task. The kitty litter needs cleaning, the refrigerator needs emptying, emails must be checked and replied to, your calendar needs updating – you get the picture. This is known as procrastinating.

3)     You get angry and resentful when social or family obligations come along that mean you can’t get your work targets, and take it out on everyone around you. This is known as transference – you feel under pressure to complete a project and now you convince yourself that if it wasn’t for these demands, you’d have got it all done. Yeah, right.

4)      You go on to waste time disliking yourself about being such a horrible person and spoiling the social event for others because of your attitude. This is known as guilt tripping.

5)     You beat yourself up because you haven’t achieved as much as you set out to do today. See #4

6)      Finally, you become reluctant to actually sit down and start your work – no matter whether it’s writing a book, cold calling for new sales clients, because all the demands on your time and skills have become overwhelming. This is being defeated before you’ve even started.

7)      You start looking for comforts, whether food, television, reading blogs, chatting on the phone – you can justify these distractions by saying you needed a break from the computer – even though you haven’t written a word yet. This is fear of failure – or fear of success - writ large.

I’m sure many of us could add to this list. Here are some answers I recommend:

 

#1). Know what you need to achieve, break it down into smaller goals, and then pencil in each goal into your daybook.

#2) Once you know what you need to do, follow your own guidelines and do it.

#3) This is a tough one – especially for people who work at home. Lay down some strict ground rules about your availability There are some things you can’t and shouldn’t miss out on – a social life is important to your mental health. You just don’t have to attend everything – and you don’t have to stay for hours. Choose what you do and how long, then relax and enjoy.

#4) You’re not a horrible person, you are someone following a dream. If you keep a tight rein on time sinks and on social events, you won’t need feel angry about ‘time wasting’.

#5) If you’ve followed #1 and set reasonable goals, you won’t need to beat yourself up about getting nothing done. Remember, too, that you can’t control everything. Go with the flow.

#6) This is a difficult one. You need to explore the reasons you’re reluctant. Is it connected to the earlier issues, have you not prepared enough, are you afraid of failure? Or success? We all have our own demons that can keep us from achieving. Find out what yours is and work through it..

#7)Sometimes, if you hit a snag, taking time out for a walk or a quiet read with a cup of coffee – or cleaning out the kitty litterJ - can help your subconscious come up with a solution. Just make sure it is a break and not quitting!

I’m writing this from my experience as my own Horrible Boss. Are you a good boss, or do you give yourself a lot of problems?

 Glenys O’Connell is working on her demons. Meanwhile, her book, Winters & Somers, is to be re-released on June 4^th by Tirgearr Publishing, she’s working on edits on another book and deadline with a third. Stress? Really? You can read the first chapter of Winters & Somers at her website

 

 

 

First, You Have to Know What Success Is For You

By Glenys O'Connell @GlenysOConnell

Before we can be successful, we have to know what it means to us as an individual. In writing, perhaps more than many other walks of life, there are many ways to be successful, depending on what the person – you – want to gain from your work.

And there are many people who will tell you how to become successful – often the advice is contradictory. I remember being told ‘Write the book you want to read’ and at the same time being told ‘Write for the market’.

Well, I worried, what if my taste in reading material isn’t what the market wants? I guess the thing to do, really, if you want to be published is to update your favorite reading material with what you learn from researching the market, in order to write a book that you want to read – and other people want to read, too!

For example, I’ve always loved ‘gothic’ mysteries, in particular the work of the legendary Phyllis Whitney. Her books don’t appear on the top selling lists anymore, but basically, her writing category has morphed into ‘romantic suspense’, still with the woman in jeopardy theme but a lot sexier  and more dangerous and wide-ranging – and who can complain about that? So I can write the plots I love, and still write for the market, yes?

One thing I do know, there are few – if any - fast tracks to writing success. Read about many bestselling authors and you’ll learn they have been writing for years before hitting the A-list. Stephen King claimed he could wallpaper his room with all the rejections he received before Carrie’s success!

The Internet is full of Get Rich Quick Schemes – save your money, avoid them and keep writing. They often have tempting titles like: Ten Minutes to Double Your Income! Unlock Your Writing Power! Free Money Making Plans! The Secret to Writing Success! Maybe I’m biased, but I suspect the only people to get rich from these schemes are the people selling them.

Personally, I think you have to define what you consider to be success for yourself – and surprisingly, that doesn’t always come with a dollar figure attached.

Usually when we think of writing success, we think of the bestseller lists, adoring fans

waiting for signed copies of our books, royalty cheques big enough to impress the stodgiest bank manager, and write-ups in the popular press. But before you throw yourself into the mad dash for the number one spot, consider this question: What does writing success mean to you? Do you even want to reach for the stars?

For some writers, the act of writing is fulfilling enough. For others, it’s knowing that somewhere out there someone is reading their work. Still others are burning with a message they need to get out into the world – whether they ever earn a penny or not. If your writing can make one person feel that they are not alone in the human condition, would that be enough to make you feel successful? Or do you want to grab the brass ring, to have adoring fans and publishers fighting to catch your eye?

Too many of us set off on the wrong road, never questioning what we actually consider to be success on our own terms.  Success isn’t a generic, one-size-fits-all garment; we each need a different version of it. And too many writers come to a crashing standstill, unable to reach a goal they don’t understand or have the aptitude for, or are actually subconsciously undermining, instead of pursuing a dream that fits them just right. And then starts the painful process of self-blame, of denigrating our talent and belittling the work we’ve done when it was, perhaps, simply the wrong work, the wrong success path for us.

So, learn your craft, write well, and choose your own path to the success you want.

And if anyone has used one of those ‘quick path to success’ plans out there and been successful, I’d love to hear your story!

 

Glenys O'Connell is a multi-published writer of romantic suspense and comedy, a playwright, and non-fiction author. She wrote the book on writing basics: Naked Writing: The No Frills Way to Write Your Book.

 

 

Failure

Failure is not an option. This is a sentence I’ve told myself many times. My earlier blog here on April 4^th talked about the fact that success is something I don’t automatically feel. Failure, however, isn’t allowed.

Yeah, you’re starting to see the stress I create for myself.

This notion of failure not being acceptable started way back in the day when I was a student in elementary school. Anything less than a B was cause for frowny faces. My parents had high expectations and I thank them for that. As a teacher today, I see way too many instances of children not being pushed to reach the next rung on the ladder of their lives. I see students—and families—who settle for “good enough.” I don’t know for sure which parenting school of thought is best, but anything that emphasizes personal motivation has to be good, right?

 

I remember living for coming home with a test or report card and nearly bouncing with anticipation as my mother looked it over. When she reached for a magnet and displayed my work on the refrigerator for all the world to see (well, technically we didn’t have that many guests in our kitchen, but whatever), it was as if she’d called up CNN and had them broadcast it to the entire globe that I was a good speller. That I knew how to add and subtract. That I could color pictures like some fancy French artist. That I understood everything there was to understand (from a fifth grader’s perspective) about North American landforms.

I was smart. I was not a failure.

My teacher said so with the big red 100% or A+ she put on my papers. My mother said so when she slapped my work up onto the refrigerator. My friends said so when they wanted to copy off me. Wait… forget that last one. It’s so scene-in-a-John Hughes-movie, isn’t it?

 
Anyway…
 
Not accepting failure forces you to go the extra mile, put in the extra hours, stick it out just a little longer. Failure, when it does happen, also shows you what to do next time, and let’s face it, for most things in life, you can always find that “next time.”
 
You have the power to make it happen. Put on your best lip gloss and don’t take no for an answer.

 

What’s something you’ve had to try to do a few times before you reached the level you wanted?

 

Toodles,

Chris

www.christinedepetrillo.weebly.com

Success and Failure. You Can't Have One Without the Other by Margo Hoornstra

Success and failure. It's human nature to strive for one and avoid the other. Except, we can't.

Like everyone else, I've had my share of each one. And, through it all, I've found both inspiration and comfort in a number of sayings I've run across over the years. Especially as it pertains to my writing, well, over the years.

They can because they think they can. - Virgil

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.  - Milton Berle

Self trust is the first secret of success - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Always aim for achievement, and forget about success - Helen Hayes

Success is never final. Failure is never fatal. It is courage that counts - Winston Churchill

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that will not work - Thomas Edison

You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don't take - Wayne Gretzky

So the writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads - Doctor Seuss

Great faith brings great results. And since you'll be the same age whether you go after your dream or not, why let age be a factor in your decisions? - Author Unknown

If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there - Will Rogers

When you think about it, if not for the failures would the successes be as sweet?

My days to blog here are the 11th and 23rd.

For more about me and the stories I write, please visit my WEBSITE

Success or Failure--It's All About Expectations by Jannine Gallant

Is one man's success another man (or woman's) failure? Of course. We all have different expectations, and more often than not, those expectations change over time. Early on in my writing career, success meant getting published. Simple. Straightforward. A tangible goal. I jumped up and down with joy when my first book was accepted. I can still remember that feeling...but my goals have changed over the last five years. Some authors see success as getting a Big 5 contract or having their books on shelves in brick and mortar bookstores. Some people believe self-publishing doesn't count. It means you failed to get a real publisher to accept your book. There are all sorts of different opinions about success in this business.

A friend once made a comment that stuck with me--probably because it irritated the hell out of me at the time. She asked wasn't my writing a hobby not a career since I'm really not making much money? There it is, the dreaded M word. No one wants to talk about it. Is that the definition of success? Is making money--whether it's with a small press or a large one or by self-publishing--the definition of success? When it comes right down to it, that's my current goal. I'm not retired. I have a day job, but I want to keep writing so I'm willing to try every avenue available to achieve success.

There's one more way to look at success (okay maybe more than one, but one I'm going to talk about). Reviews. Do the people who read our books like them? Are we satisfied we're producing the best book we can. If the answer to those two questions is yes, does that mean we're successful authors? Again, it's all about expectation.

There are a couple of things that make me feel successful. A few days after the free period for my most recent release, Asking For Trouble, I checked my Amazon rankings and noticed all 9 of the books on my back list had dropped at the same time. My conclusion: someone who had downloaded my new release when it was free had read it and liked it so much they bought all my other books. THAT felt like success. These little moments make what we do worthwhile.

Another milestone--I just signed a contract with Kensington (ebook and POD but with the option for mass market paperback) for a three book suspense series. It's an excellent feeling. Will I be successful with this new venture? I guess we'll see. What I truly believe is we have to keep pushing ourselves and trying different things to discover what works for us as individuals. Have I given up on self-publishing where I did see some degree of monetary success? Nope. I plan to self-pub a historical this summer. I'm looking forward to the challenge of promoting a book all the publishers said had great characters and writing but was set in a time period too difficult to sell. Maybe I'll use that as my catch phrase. This book is so odd you have to read it!

So, now you've heard what I think about success. What's your definition? Inquiring minds want to know!

Visit me at my WEBSITE or on FACEBOOK and TWITTER.

Musing About Success - and the Value of Failure

By Glenys O'Connell

I've thought a lot about success over the years, and the conclusion I have come to is that success is something different for everyone. One of the mistakes we make is equating success to riches - but not every success is accompanied by a fat cheque.

I consider the most successful things in my life are beyond price: a long and happy marriage and four gorgeous kids are among the most important things in my life - they top the bill of successes that make me proud.

There are other successes; different careers I've loved and still work at in various ways; friendships over years and new; homes and places that have been memorable or educational; businesses that succeeded - or failed. I include some failures in the successes, because we can learn so much from failures that that in itself is a success. If that doesn't sound too bizarre?

And sometimes, looking back, there are successes that I was moving too fast to realise at the time were successes. Events, people, ambitions realised that I didn't take the time to enjoy or savour because pressure to succeed in other ways was too intense. Taking time to smell the roses is so important, and yet something most of us only realise later in life.

Being published is a major barometer of success amongst writers, yet it's not the huge royalties (falls on floor laughing) that keeps most of us going. It's the challenge of getting the words on paper, the fun of playing with imaginary friends, the burst of delight and pride when a reader says: I loved your book!

Giving pleasure or helping others can be a major success in itself. I have two recently published non-fiction books: Depression: The Essential Guide, and PTSD: The Essential Guide and already I know these books have made an impact in the lives of people struggling with these problems. That feels like success to me!

Here's an excerpt which talks about success, from Naked Writing: The No Frills Way to Write Your Book, my soon-to-be published book on writing:


As writers, we’re dreamers – and I don’t just mean about characters and plot lines. No, we also fantasize about our careers, about signing books while surrounded by adoring fans, of watching our titles fly up the NY Times bestseller list, of being invited to chat with Oprah, of writing non-fiction that catapults us onto the speech circuit as An Authority.

And then we daydream about what we’ll do with all those millions we've earned through our writing, or how we’ll parlay our growing knowledge into something that will help change people’s lives…. Yes, there are probably as many dreams as there are writers when it comes to thoughts of the life we’ll lead as Famous Writers whose books are Bestsellers.

But here’s the hard truth: these dreams have little to do with your success as a writer – unless you act on them.

To be successful you need talent, yes, and a commitment to your work. You need to mix that talent with a fair old dose of hard work to turn those dreams into your reality. The simple truth is that first and foremost, a writer writes. It’s that simple. The complicated bit comes in knowing what you should be writing and in planning for your success. Don’t give up the dreams; just temper them with a little feet-on-the-ground common sense.

Find a way to turn them into goals. Plan your writing career as you would any other endeavor that’s important to you. Dream big, for sure, but keep one eye firmly fixed on your own reality.

Novelist, non-fiction writer, journalist, playwright and counselor/life coach - Glenys O'Connell has worked hard at them all. She has learned to celebrate success and laugh in the face of failure! She likes to drool over her pages on Amazon, where her books are all available in both print and ebook form.