Books That Stay With You by Diane Burton

I’m a fast reader. Usually I zip through books, skimming the “boring” parts (aka descriptions), lingering on dialogue, soaking up the plot. I finish one book then on to the next. Rinse and repeat.

I didn’t used to be so cavalier about books. My grandmother would send us books for birthdays and Christmas. I didn’t always appreciate the stories, but I did appreciate her thoughtfulness. I still have those books, which she always signed with the date and her full name. Because books were difficult to come by—money was tight with seven kids—I hoarded hardbacks, used babysitting money for paperbacks that I read over and over until they were tattered. And because of that, once I could afford  books I never let them go.

Our last move to a new house convinced me to divest myself of many books. Unlike in the past where the company paid moving expenses, this one was on our dime. Books are heavy, and we paid by the pound. Our local library became the recipient of free books from several conferences, books I hadn’t gotten around to reading and knew I never would. Except for several all-time and forever favorites plus several for research, my books reside on my Kindle. Easy to carry with me wherever I go. Finish one book at the doctor’s office, go on to the next while waiting.

Consequently, stories don’t stick with me like they used to. For one thing, on my Paperwhite, I don’t see the cover each time I pick up the book. I open the Kindle, and I’m right where I left off in the story. Without the cover reminding me of the title and author, I don’t remember books like I used to.

Every once in a while, a story will stick with me. Case in point, Night Road by Kristin Hannah. I’d chosen the book for our monthly book group. It’s the story of a “helicopter” mom of high school twins. In our discussion, one of the women (close to my age) said things are different from when we raised our children. While I agree—we never had lockdowns at school—I still believe parents have to find a balance between protecting their children while helping them make their own decisions when they are young. Expanding the decision making from little things, like what to wear, to using their own judgement on what to read and, eventually, whether to drink in high school. And letting go.

In Night Road, the main character was so obsessed with protecting her kids that she made all their decisions. (Or so she thought.) But how could they make rational decisions when Mom would disagree and probably ground them?

I wasn’t the best mother nor was I the worst. Like most mothers, I made my share of mistakes. I trusted my children when I probably shouldn’t have. I badgered them about where they were going and who they would be with but didn’t follow through by checking up on them. Was that the right thing to do? To paraphrase a school psychologist at a PTO meeting (way back when), I did the best I could given what I knew at the time.

That’s all we really can do, isn’t it? Fortunately, my children lived through their high school and college years. I survived, too. But a single mistake, a case of bad judgement, changed everyone’s life in Night Road. That could have been one or both of my kids. Scary. Actually, in retrospect, it’s terrifying. I know I can’t live in the past or play the “what if” game with real lives. All we can do is pray that we make the best decisions and live with the consequences.

Diane Burton writes romantic suspense, mysteries, and science fiction romance. She blogs here on the 30th of the month, on Paranormal Romantics on the 13th, and on her own blog on Mondays.

Decision Making by Diane Burton

In the past week, I’ve written blogs about goals and resolutions, about accomplishments, and what I hope to do in 2016. I participate in a monthly blog hop called Insecure Writers Support Group and yesterday over 90% of the posts were about setting goals or making resolutions. (If you’re interested, here's the link to the post.) Consequently, I’m not going to talk about that today. Instead, I want to talk about making decisions.

When we first married, I would get very frustrated with my husband when we had to make a major decision. I’d talk and talk and he said little or nothing. Drove me crazy. It wasn’t until I became trainer for Girl Scouts that I finally understood him. First I taught leaders how to be leaders, and eventually I trained the trainers. In the process, I learned how adults learn new things. Some of us learn by talking in groups and coming to a conclusion. Others mull things over in their mind (without talking) before coming to a conclusion. (There are others ways adults learn, but those two examples explained my husband’s and my methods.) I’m a talker; he’s a muller. Once I understood, I learned to change my expectations. I gave him space then—surprise, surprise—he opened up. I guess after forty-three years we’ve learned to adapt.

So what brought up this topic today? We’re out in Arizona visiting our son and his family, esp. the new baby. (You’re probably tired of me talking about her. LOL) Within a day of our arrival, Son mentioned we should consider buying a place out here for part of the year. Now we just built a house to be close to our daughter and her family. We want to enjoy the grandkids’ activities (without a 4-hour round trip drive) and, in general, see them more often. At the time of making that decision, those were our only grandchildren and nothing was keeping us in the old house. But now we have another family 2,000 miles away. What do we do? We’ll want to enjoy her activities when she gets older.

Ever since we knew about the baby, I’d given thought to spending winters close to our other family. Never said anything to Hubs. (Who’s the muller now?) In the three weeks we’ve been here, neither he nor I brought up our son’s suggestion . . . until the other day when he wanted to show me a senior community. He’d been out driving around when I was babysitting and looking at places. I was shocked. He’d actually considered it. I figured he’d give me all these reasons why buying out here was a bad idea. This is what comes of my assuming I knew what Hubs was thinking.

What are we going to do? At this point, who knows? If money were no object, we’d do it in a heartbeat. I think. There are so many things to consider. More importantly, we need to talk to each other more. I’m all for listing pros and cons, while Hubs will mull things over. Or maybe he’ll surprise me and say “let’s do it.” That would be a real shockeroo.

For those of you who have to take another person into consideration when making major decisions, how do you go about it?

Diane Burton writes romantic adventure . . . stories that take place on Earth and beyond. She blogs here on the 8th and 30th of each month and on Mondays on her own site: http://dianeburton.blogspot.com/