Letter To My Younger Self, Part I by Betsy Ashton

Dear Betsy,

I have so much to tell you, not all of which you will want to hear. I have advice, which I'm sure you will not like, as well as memories of things you will do, both good and bad.

The first thing I'd ask you to think about is not what you want to be when grow up, but how you want to live. If you can define the how of living, the what will follow course. What I mean is if you want to live the life of the rich and famous, you could marry into money. You could also find a career that would lead to that fame and fortune.

What I would ask you to consider is the price of that fame and fortune. Do you want to give up your privacy for a life of avoiding the paparazzi? Do you want people to stare at you every time you go out in public, not let you eat your meal without someone commenting on your food choices? Do you want to hide behind closed blinds and high walls to protect your children and your privacy in a world that will increasingly blur lines between public and private lives, between what is acceptable behavior and what is intrusive and potentially dangerous intrusion.

Do you choose a life where you are fulfilled with your family and friends? You will marry, once to the wrong man, once to the right one. In the first case, you will not pay attention to what your friends and family say to warn you off the marriage before it happens. You will marry and realize as you walk down the aisle that you could still stop it. But you will not. You will learn from this so when the right man finally appears out of the darkness in a disco in Tokyo you will recognize him as the right person to have in your life.

You will inherit a family, not have your own children, and you will be just fine with that. You will discover three children who will become your closest friends as years go by and they grow up. You will not try to be their mother, since they already have that role filled, but you will be able to be a role model and friend who listens to hopes and fears.

You will have many friends over the years, but not all of them will be around forever. You might have the very best friend who comes into your life for a few days and then exits, leaving behind a footprint of a particular kind of friendship at a moment of need. You will have opportunities to be that five-day best friend often in your life. I hope you remember how important it was when your first five-minute best friend reached out a hand to help.

Some of your friends will turn out not to be as true as you had once believed. You will learn to identify those friends who are toxic, who are emotional vampires who suck the life out of you. When this happens, you will be called on to decide how you want to let the friendship go. You can cause a blow up that will harm both of you. Better, you can let the friendship whither slowly over time. Only you can decide which path to take. Choose wisely, and you will be comfortable with your decision. Choose unwisely, and you might feel better for the blow up but in the long run will realize you chose the wrong path.

To be continued on January 27.

Albert Knew a Thing or Two by Alison Henderson

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning. ~ Albert Einstein

We all know Albert Einstein was a brilliant man. He was also a wise man. This quote is one of my favorites, especially the first sentence. I can't think of a better approach to life. 

I don't make formal New Year's resolutions, but I'd like to take this advice to heart in 2015. Parts of it will come easily; others not so much. "Hope for tomorrow" is already part of my natural make-up. I've always been the eternal optimist. I don't need any help there. 

"Live for today" is something I've been working on since early last year. I haven't mastered it because looking ahead is such a driving force in my personality, but I'm trying. 2014 was a watershed year for me. After our big trek west, we finally moved into our new house in March. Unfortunately, the stress of so many major changes took a toll on my husband. While I naturally focus ahead in life, he always looks back. By the time we finally moved in he had worked himself into such a state that he had stroke. (You might think that's just a figure of speech, but it's actually possible.) 

I pride myself on my equanimity; I can usually remain calm under the most difficult circumstances. But after things finally settled down I developed a stress-induced cardiac arrhythmia. It's not dangerous, but it's uncomfortable and a constant reminder of the need to keep stress under control. On top of all that, I turned sixty last year. Talk about sobering.

I could also do a better job of learning from yesterday. Because I naturally look ahead and am working on staying in the present, the past sometimes gets short shrift. Once something happens, I dismiss it and move on. That's great for dealing with uncomfortable or painful situations but not so great for dissecting experiences and learning from them. I'll try to do better this year.

Then there's the second sentence of the quote: "The important thing is to not stop questioning." I'm not so sure about that one. Einstein was a scientist, so an inquiring mind was essential to his work. I want to stay curious, but for my life, I think cultivating acceptance might be even more important.

Einstein's quote also reminds me of another favorite, one I strive to take to heart:

“If you are depressed you are living in the past.  If you are anxious you are living in the future.  If you are at peace you are living in the present.” ~ Lao Tzu

Peace doesn't sound too bad right about now.

Alison
www.alisonhenderson.com
http://alisonhenderson.blogspot.com