Mid-Michigan, my
local Romance Writers of America chapter, had a first three pages critique
opportunity at its meeting this past Saturday. Along with fifteen others, I
submitted the beginning of my latest WIP, Deceived by Trust, to be read and reviewed by the group.
Chapter
One
“Police! Stop right there! Put your
hands where we can see them!”
Two steps into the storage locker, Jenny
Reynolds froze. A white light flashed in her eyes. Nearly blinded, she blinked
in the glare. Her purse hit the ground with a thud.
Fingers splayed opened, she raised her
hands. “What’s going on?” Heart thundering, breaths shallow, her body snapped
into survival mode. “What do you want?”
“We’ll ask the questions. Is this your
storage locker?”
“Yes.” Mouth dry, she struggled to
grasp what was happening as a knot lodged in her stomach. “This is the one I
rented yesterday.”
She squinted into the brilliance but
could see nothing beyond bright white.
What
if they aren’t police?
A Detroit native for most of her life,
she was well aware crime could happen anywhere. Even so close to her own
backyard of Mayfield, one of its more upscale suburbs. Not only that—the knot
tightened—these units were advertised as specially insulated. Were they sound
proof too? Would anyone hear her scream?
If this was a robbery, they could take
whatever she had and leave her alone. “There’s nothing stored in here yet, but
I have some money in my purse.” Right leg extended, she started to toe the bag
over to whoever held the freaking bright light on her.
“Don’t move!”
“Okay.” Her right arm dipped slightly
to regain her balance. She retracted her leg. “Doing my best to not move here.”
“Are you Jenny Reynolds?” Her purse was
snatched away.
She was about to ask if she could lower
her hands, then decided against it. “Yes.”
“And this is the storage locker you
rented?”
“I already told you that. I also told
you there’s nothing stored in here yet.”
“Really?”
“I have a few household items out in
the truck. Friends are helping me cart over some larger furniture tomorrow.”
She was talking way too much. Nerves always made her do that. “Please, what is
this about?”
As if they’d finally taken pity, the
glare scorching her eyes was blessedly dimmed. The door on the ten foot by
twelve foot cubicle creaked as it was trundled shut behind her. She spun around
as the latch mechanism clunked into place.
“Stay where you are.”
Without a second thought, she did as she was told. After
a soft click, track lighting in the ceiling came on. She blinked to clear her
watery vision. Two uniformed police officers stood on either side of the now
secured door.
A man in a dark suit with a badge hung
outside the breast pocket stepped toward her, his expression grim. “Do you have
ID?”
She accepted the purse he handed back.
“What’s going on?”
“Did you sign the contract to rent this
storage locker?”
Fishing out her wallet, she produced
her driver’s license. “Yes. I told you I rented it.”
He took the license along with her
purse and wallet, passing it all to one of the officers. “Did you sign the
contract and intend this space to be used to store selected items of yours?”
“Yes. As I said, I’m bringing some
bigger things over tomorrow.”
“Where do you plan to put them?”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
One hand put a light grip on her arm.
The other closed over her shoulder as he rotated her toward the interior. Huge
shelving she’d never seen before lined the back wall. Various metal parts and
gadgets she didn’t recognize, some tagged with cardboard labels, were neatly
arranged on the evenly spaced surfaces.
“I don’t know what all of that is.” She
let out a shaky breath. “Or how it got in here.”
“That’s what they all say.” The sarcasm
lacing his tone as much as told her further denial would be futile.
“It’s the truth.”
“Can’t wait to hear what you have to
say about the truck you arrived in.”
Nodding to one of the uniformed
officers to raise the door, his hold on her didn’t let up one whit as he
marched her into the rapidly cooling air of an early spring evening. A police
car was parked beside the loaner truck she’d arrived in. Spinning red, white
and blue lights jumped and pulsed on the building walls.
“I don’t suppose you have the
registration and proof of insurance for this vehicle?”
She shook her head. “It belongs to a
friend of my ex-boyfriend.”
“Funny. This truck was reported stolen
last night.”
“But, I have the keys to it.” Eyes wide
in disbelief, she glanced around. “If you’ll hand me my purse again, I’ll show
you.”
“A spare set which the owner, stupidly
I’d say, left in the glove box.”
“I’m telling you this truck belongs to
the friend of my ex-boyfriend, Rod Do—”
“Donahue.” The plain clothesed cop
smiled. “You just answered my next question.”
“I what?” Both hands were drawn
together behind her back. Cold metal cinched her wrists.
“Jenny Reynolds you are under arrest
for possession of stolen property…”
“What?” Her breath caught, and time
stopped. “No!”
“You have the right to remain silent…”
He continued to talk in words that made
no sense to her fogged brain as he led her toward the squad car. The flashing
lights pulsed in jack-hammer time with her heart. A hand held onto the top of
her head as she was ushered inside the back seat.
Sheer panic threatened to close her
throat. She stuck her head through the still opened door. “There’s been a
mistake.”
“There’ve been a lot of mistakes.” He
peered in at her. “And you made them.”
Comments I received
went something like this: ‘Wow!’ ‘That really drew me into the story.’ ‘We have
a good feel for the conflict this heroine will have to deal with.’ ‘That
opening makes me want to read what comes next.’
Though I was
pleased by the positive feedback, call me crazy, part of me wanted a little
more. Surely there’s something here that needs to be improved upon.
Or maybe, just
maybe, I’ve done all I can (with help from CP Jannine, of course, who is no doubt as we speak, rolling her eyes) and it’s
simply time to send this one out into the world.
Deceived by Trust is the first in my four part series Brothers in Blue. So, tell me. What do you
think? Ready? Or not?
My days to blog
here are the 11th and 23rd. For more about me and my stories,
please visit my WEBSITE
