As a young woman, I stood
before the mirror in my childhood bedroom, admiring my oh-so-cool leg warmers
and putting the finishing touches on my “big” hair. That brand new phenomenon,
MTV, blared in the living room while I primped for nights on the town with my
girlfriends, giddy at the idea of spending the night dancing like it was 1999.
Ah, the music, the excitement…the boys! The possibility of that night being the
night I would finally meet The One and live happily ever after!
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| Mac & The One then... |
But alas, time passes
quickly. Mom jeans have replaced the leg warmers, and the hair, which is not so
big anymore, would be liberally streaked with gray - if I didn’t beat it into
submission once a month with a box of Nice-’n-Easy. As for happily ever after,
yeah, I still believe in the concept. After all, I did eventually meet The One, and this Saturday we’ll be
celebrating thirty-three years of wedded bliss.
Hah! Chances are those of you
who have been married longer than the length of the honeymoon are raising an
eyebrow at the word bliss, because let’s face it, bliss is hard to maintain
when faced with the day-to-day realities of marriage. Honestly, is any woman
blissful when picking up their One’s briefs from the bathroom floor? Or
wiping his toothpaste splatter from the mirror? Yuck.
There have been many
occasions in the past thirty-three years when I looked at The One and imagined myself as one of the Merry Murderesses from
Broadway’s Chicago, declaring He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten
times!
Yeah, I know. I’m weird. But
I’m a writer. I can’t help imagining delicious scenarios I can never follow
through on - unless I’m willing to do time. And if you’ve been married as long
as The One and I have, admit it. You’ve
imagined some of those scenarios yourself. So, what’s the secret to a
successful marriage and happily ever after? There’s the popular list: Respect,
give and take, communication, and commitment - but I have my own list.
1. Know when to stand your
ground.
2. Maintain your sense of
humor.
And…
3. Develop the art of subtle
revenge.
 |
| Mac & The One years later... |
Okay, I don’t want to give
you the wrong impression. Despite the Merry Murderesses reference, The One and I rarely disagree, much less
fight. The One claims this is because
we’re friends as well as lovers. I attribute the usual peacefulness of our
relationship to my aversion to conflict. I hate fighting and avoid it whenever
possible. But, The One is a guy,
which means he occasionally does something so ridiculous, it simply can’t be
ignored. When that happens, I survive the explosive fall out by sticking to my
list.
Case in point:
After accidentally dousing
his sandwich with a heaping pile of pepper several years ago, The One promptly tossed the pepper
shaker into the trash, announcing, “I’m sick of this f*%@ing thing!”
Seriously, he threw away the
pepper shaker. Who throws away a pepper shaker? I mean, come on. It’s an
innocent, inanimate object. If you’re having a problem with it, it’s a pretty
sure bet the trouble is user error. Besides, it’s part of a set!
#1: Know when to stand your ground.
“Well then,” I responded. “We
don’t need this!”
Into the trash can went the
salt shaker. Take that, buddy! I swear, his hair stood on end. He pinned me
with narrowed eyes as he grabbed the first thing within reach. The tea kettle
joined the innocent salt and pepper shakers in their absurd fate.
And, hello. Game on!
Dirty dishes and clean ones,
silverware and counter top items, including a few small appliances, nothing
escaped the whirlwind of angry passion gripping the blissfully married adversaries in our kitchen. Five minutes later,
with a fine cloud of flour hanging in the air, sanity suddenly grabbed hold of
me. Okay, the truth is, I came to my senses when I couldn’t fit anything more
in the trash can.
#2: Maintain your sense of humor.
I glanced around at the carnage,
but there was no way I could apply #2 at that moment. I was too ticked off. The
man threw away a two-hundred-dollar blender, for heaven’s sake, and my kitchen
looked like it had been ransacked! Because it had.
(I need to add an addendum to
the list here: #2b: Know when to utilize
a cooling off period.)
Sometimes getting away from
your loving spouse is the only way to avoid doing time - with the added bonus
of allowing you to regroup and come up with a workable plan for #3: Develop
the art of subtle revenge.
I promptly went for a drive.
While I have my list, The One has his own. It consists of only
two items. He believes in the power of persistence, and if that doesn’t work,
he turns immediately to his own form of bribery. He’s such a guy. But I have to
admit, he’s got skills when it comes to the suck-up gift - and he knows when to
bring in reinforcements. The next morning, he enlisted our teenage boys in his
ploy to charm me out of my mad. They disappeared for an hour and returned with
a tiger striped kitten he claimed to have found foraging for food in a downtown
parking lot.
Talk about a double whammy! I
was toast and he knew it. But I ask you, how is a woman supposed to stay mad
under those circumstances? It would take a much harder woman than me, that’s
for sure. As we shared our morning coffee, his suck up gift lay curled up
asleep in my lap.
“What are you going to name
her?” he asked, looking far too smug for my liking.
I haven’t lived with the man all
these years without knowing how to nip that kind of thing in the bud. I
scratched at the kitten’s soft chin, smiled sweetly, and replied, “Pepper, of
course.”
Oh, please. You didn’t think
I was going to forget #2 and #3, did you?
So here’s my happily ever
after advice. Stand your ground. A good man loves a woman who knows her mind.
Laugh with him as much as possible. It’s impossible to hold a grudge when you’re
giggling. And learn the art of subtle revenge. You might just get a kitten out
of it.
When Mac isn’t busy working
on her own happily ever after, she spends her time weaving HEAs for her
characters, like Gracie Gable, the heroine of To Win Her Love, book #1 of the
Players series – on #SALE for $0.99 through this weekend in all formats at KensingtonBooks.
To win the game, they’ll have to risk losing their
hearts…
When a bizarre child
custody stipulation pits popular sports blogger Gracie Gable against football
superstar Jake Malone, losing the battle for her twin nieces isn't the only
thing Gracie has to worry about. Forced to live for three months under the same
roof as the sexy tight end, will she fall prey to his flirtatious pursuit? Or
worse, will the skeletons in her closet destroy her chance for the love and
family she so desperately wants?
Neglected by his parents
as a boy, Jake doesn’t believe in happily ever after. Yet living with Gracie
and the twins might be enough to change his mind—and his womanizing ways. But
when the press unearths a scandal from Gracie’s past, will he lose the one
woman he was ready to open his heart to?
