tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9023937099212820339.post8745708860802687751..comments2024-03-27T01:07:03.944-04:00Comments on The Roses of Prose: Ready Or Not; Here It Comes by Margo HoornstraAlison Hendersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12725250883303287946noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9023937099212820339.post-51082816151280951912016-08-25T10:57:57.489-04:002016-08-25T10:57:57.489-04:00What a grabber of an opening! Best wishes for succ...What a grabber of an opening! Best wishes for success!Susan Coryellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04700818086229953333noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9023937099212820339.post-24129859087705278102016-08-25T10:29:17.252-04:002016-08-25T10:29:17.252-04:00That was your story? I should have guessed. I, to...That was your story? I should have guessed. I, too, was disappointed that more feedback wasn't encouraged. But considering the number of entries, the moderators had to keep things moving. You've got a winner here, Margo. Can't wait to read the book.Diane Burtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03754105332297068271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9023937099212820339.post-366638479225989292016-08-24T09:05:33.926-04:002016-08-24T09:05:33.926-04:00Sounds great. Another one I hve to buy. My pile is...Sounds great. Another one I hve to buy. My pile is getting big. Barbara Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10379534828904059584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9023937099212820339.post-61990606318687678712016-08-23T19:50:04.435-04:002016-08-23T19:50:04.435-04:00Jannine. I wondered. Cool! ;-)Jannine. I wondered. Cool! ;-)Margo Hoornstrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00036077481652050799noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9023937099212820339.post-85633006249079561562016-08-23T16:56:05.290-04:002016-08-23T16:56:05.290-04:00No, the actual line was yours. The idea for the li...No, the actual line was yours. The idea for the line was mine--to start it off with a bang, so to speak. You're right...this thing has been through a gazillion versions!Jannine Gallanthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01047728297429025804noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9023937099212820339.post-337773725212507552016-08-23T15:13:01.994-04:002016-08-23T15:13:01.994-04:00Thanks for the vote of confidence, Vonnie. I think...Thanks for the vote of confidence, Vonnie. I think I will. Have to give credit where credit is due here, the original author of a form of that first line (there have been soooooo many rewrites I'm not sure of specifics) belongs to our own Jannine. I kinda took it from there.Margo Hoornstrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00036077481652050799noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9023937099212820339.post-67994660377962564942016-08-23T13:21:33.101-04:002016-08-23T13:21:33.101-04:00send...Send...SEND that baby. Tweek, if you want. ...send...Send...SEND that baby. Tweek, if you want. I loved the first line. So, so loved it. A definite hook.Vonnie Davis, Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11742153442761437530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9023937099212820339.post-90649504575591113672016-08-23T11:20:26.957-04:002016-08-23T11:20:26.957-04:00Jannine - Yep, sure knew I could count on you. And...Jannine - Yep, sure knew I could count on you. And out here in front of everybody at that. So noted. So, tell the truth. You did a little bit of an eye roll when you first read this, didn't you? Hah!<br /><br />Alicia - Figured I could count on you too. Thanks. Fresh eyes are always good. After reading this over and over and over and over, things I take for granted shouldn't be, well, taken for granted. Appreciate the help.<br /><br />Brenda - I, too, have tremendous respect (and affection ;-) for law enforcement. Though in this scene, I wanted to convey a sense of being sort of bullied in her. Helpless. At their mercy. You get the idea. So pleased you loved it. (Hear that, Jannine? ;-)Margo Hoornstrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00036077481652050799noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9023937099212820339.post-76454478284740263202016-08-23T10:51:23.298-04:002016-08-23T10:51:23.298-04:00Loved it. I've been on that side of the law (m...Loved it. I've been on that side of the law (mistakenly) and they are like that...told me I'd be back, etc. Rough dudes. I have respect for police in general and know we need them, but I'm not an automatic "cop liker" on a one on one basis. Anyway, what Jannine said as far as a crit. But it's a great opening!Brenda Whitesidehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04162555468154752820noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9023937099212820339.post-23071024780159871952016-08-23T10:48:09.802-04:002016-08-23T10:48:09.802-04:00Wow, definitely a grabber!!! Excellent job, very w...Wow, definitely a grabber!!! Excellent job, very well-done, and I would most definitely want to keep reading. I do have some suggestions, but ONLY because you asked and said you didn't just want praise. :) These are small things, and the scene would be perfectly fine without them, but if I were going to make suggestions, it might be something like...<br /><br />I was going to mention a few things that Jannine mentioned, about some of the movements and actions that were probably not all needed. Also, I wondered exactly what this line meant: her body snapped into survival mode. - What did her body do, precisely, to snap into survival mode? I might do a few editing 'clean-ups' as to some unneeded words and such. I wonder if this is necessary: She was about to ask if she could lower her hands, then decided against it. - Since she DIDN'T ask, and you didn't share any kind of insight or emotion as to why she decided against it, I'd wonder if it was needed. And, on the 'right leg extended' part, was her right leg already extended, which is what it sounds like, or did she extend it at that moment, which might need to be reworded as 'extending her right leg...'<br /><br />Just a few things like that, but it's a fantastic, well-written scene. Can't wait to see what you do with this series!Alicia Deanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12003539473772776004noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9023937099212820339.post-57197879111868913092016-08-23T10:12:10.722-04:002016-08-23T10:12:10.722-04:00Eagle-eye here. Still too many "Is this your ...Eagle-eye here. Still too many "Is this your lockers?" I'm pretty sure I cut a couple of those. Also, they have no reason to shut the door except you want the lights flashing when they open it. That's part of the turning around confusion Leah mentioned, and it's more complicated than it needs to be. Leave the door open and have her think there was only a single Chevy or whatever outside, no police cars, when she's wondering if they're real cops. You have her turn so she can't see the back until after the conversation. Just have them flip the light on at that point instead of the door shutting and the light going on beforehand. She says, "There's nothing stored here yet." He says, "Oh really" and flips on the light. That way he doesn't have to turn her back and forth. Okay, I'm finished. Good job. Get this baby submitted! Jannine Gallanthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01047728297429025804noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9023937099212820339.post-32673669322483228282016-08-23T07:47:33.115-04:002016-08-23T07:47:33.115-04:00Angela, You have absolutely, positively made my da...Angela, You have absolutely, positively made my day. Thank you!!!!<br /><br />Leah, I'm sure old Eagle Eye will have a few things to say. (She always does ;-) Thanks for your take, too. Oh, and the hero? None of the above, but I do like that concept. Her personal hero doesn't even show up until chapter two. He's an ex-cop, BTW. (All part of his charm ;-)Margo Hoornstrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00036077481652050799noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9023937099212820339.post-12268680627060687562016-08-23T06:51:54.422-04:002016-08-23T06:51:54.422-04:00I think I saw one verb tense I'd change, Margo...I think I saw one verb tense I'd change, Margo. :-) But seriously, wow. You captured every emotion I would feel--is this a robbery, are they really the cops, etc. I was definitely drawn in and want to read more. Which one of the cops (the one with his hands on her?) ends up being the hero...and what does he look like. All that and more flashed through my mind.<br /><br />I did get a little confused about where she was and what direction she was facing/being turned toward as the scene progressed and had to read carefully a few times to get the sequence. But it's early, and I'm old and easily confused. :-) I'd be interested to see what your eagle-eyed CP has to say! I think it's fantastic.Leah St. Jameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11004006100786260893noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9023937099212820339.post-63486827336197253242016-08-23T06:46:00.788-04:002016-08-23T06:46:00.788-04:00Wow! How long do I have to wait before I can read ...Wow! How long do I have to wait before I can read the rest of the book???Angela Adamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06102308492358084929noreply@blogger.com